Be Still Beth

I did it!!!!

2011-04-17T19:03:00.000-05:00

I know it may not be the best looking blog out there but it's different and new. To me it is refreshing to see a difference. I hope to see a lot of different in my life. That is my goal as I think about my GOAL!!!

Help

2011-04-17T12:14:00.004-05:00

April 17, 2011

I NEED HELP!!!!!!

I really want to change the way my blog looks and works for me. I feel like such a computer idiot. I need help. Can anyone tell me where to go to get a really nice blog appearance that is easy for someone like me. You know, someone who cannot figure out computer "stuff" without very much frustration.

AND everytime I decide to look at my blog and think I will start writing, there is this little box that appears and follows me everywhere and I CANNOT get it to go away!!!!

Can you tell I'm just a little frustrated. I want to write...but I want it to look nice and I want to know what I'm doing!!!!!

Hello World - 2011

2011-01-15T09:20:00.007-06:00

2011

Fifty years ago this August 18th I was born into this world. God knew me before I was created, He knows how many hairs are on my head (even the grey ones I try to keep covered with color) and He knows how many days I have on this earth.

When I think of the days he has given me thus far, I think of how many have been wasted on absolutely nothing. I think of the most memorable days...some of the absolute best days and some of the absolute worst days. And more than either of those are the days I don't even remember!!!!

I can honestly say that I did not think I would be here, like this, in this place at this age. I thought I would be more of a grown up, act like a grown up, feel like a grown up. It just doesn't feel like I thought it would feel.

I'm at a new place in life. My children are grown, one graduates college in May and the other is married. My birth son will be 26 this year. Seriously. How do these things happen? They have lives of their own now and I am not defined by them any longer. How long has it been since I have been called "Zach's mom" or "Kristyn's mom". Quite some time actually. I think for the last year I have been in a kind of shock at the fact that my kids are grown and don't need me like they used too. It has been a huge adjustment for me but I think I'm finally coming out of the shock and realizing that this can be a good thing. I need to see this as the glass is half full not empty. Which brings me to this...

What will I do now. It's time to concentrate on what to do with the rest of the days the Lord has for me on this earth. To discover what He has for me, to discover who I am within myself and what do I really want out of this life. That is a lot of discovering.

In 2011 I hope to...(Mind you this is NOT a New Years Resolution, just some things I want to work on for the rest of MY LIFE)

Reconnect with God in a way I haven't in quite some time. I'm working at memorizing scripture this year...hard work for someone who can't remember yesterday at times. I know this will have to be intervention on His part for this to work :) I did memorize my first verse and am starting my second verse today. If you are interested in where I came up with this idea go to Beth Moore's website and look at the Siesta Scripture memorization part. Just google her!

Develop some new relationships and reignite some old relationships. I have been on some what of a sabbatical from relationships for a while. Because of things that have gone on in my life for the last few years, I just have not had the mental, physical or spiritual energy to do relationships very well. I miss that part of my life.

I know this is age old but I must become an adult when it comes to my health. You know those two ugly "E" words...Exercise and Eating right. Why can't I be one of you people that love to go for a run or work out and love to eat rabbit food everyday and not much of it at that!!!! How do I join this club and become a lifetime member...I have to find a way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just read over what I have written and see what I need. Someone that would like to be in relation with me, exercise with me and learn scripture with me and it could all be done at the same time. Hmmmm, interesting. Funny! I cannot even talk while exercising much less have conversation or quote scripture to someone out loud. It takes all I have to BREATHE!

I have crocheting to do and reading to do that have been on hold for a little while. I also have more movies to see this year. I so enjoy going to the movies and having popcorn with butter and I DON'T WANT TO GIVE UP MY POPCORN!!! I have my popcorn routine down to a fine art...and I really don't like for it to be bothered :)

I also hope to write more as I try to clean house with my mental and emotional self. Should make for some interesting writing.

Well old blog friend of mine, it's nice to catch up and maybe we will meet more often this year. It is my hope.

Hello Blog World...I have a new job!!!!

2010-08-13T11:06:00.003-05:00

I cannot believe how long it has been since I have blogged. I think about writing all the time but I either don't have my computer (Zach has it had it lately) or I'm to tired!

I have a new job!!! I started working at Bethany Christian Services about 3 weeks ago. For those of you who do not know, it is a Christian Adoption Agency. We work with birth moms and adoptive parents and adoptees. Its called the adoption triad.

It's kind of interesting. I have a friend in Louisville, Kentucky and a friend in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Both have gone to work for ministries of different kinds. This truly intrigues me. So, I began to pray that God would allow me to work at a ministry. The next thing I know I get an email from Becky, director, telling me about a job she has available and giving a description of the job. It was what I had prayed for. Does make me smile! We emailed and the rest as they say is history. God is faithful, even when I cannot grasp His faithfulness!

I have volunteered with Bethany for about 22 years and even worked there for a short time many years ago. I love the job and the ministry, of course it is so close to my heart.

The hard part has been getting up so early every day and making that commute to Little Rock. It takes me almost an hour to get there! Crazy! Who knows what it will be like when school starts. I just get my coffee from McDonalds and drink it on the way and listen to the radio or pray or talk to friends. I do not text though, I promise. I can't see well enough to text!

I work Monday and Wednesdays 8:30 - 5:00 and Tuesday and Thursdays 8:30 - 12:30. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I go to my job at the church where I do their books. So between the two I'm working almost full time. It has been a long long time since I have worked this much. But, I think it is good for me (would be better if I could sleep better at night)and if/when I go to 30 hours a week at Bethany I will qualify for insurance. This is a huge comfort to me!

On a side note, we are having an open house this Sunday the 15th. I'm praying for a buyer!!!

Just wanted to check in and maybe get started back writing. Have a great day!

May

2010-05-10T11:19:00.003-05:00

May 2010. How does time go so quickly...each year passing like Christmas morning. The world refuses to stand still for anyone but God alone. No matter the happy times, sad times, devastating times, the world continues to move on. People continue to move on. It is the right thing to happen but sometimes wouldn't it be nice if we could all just stop for a moment and breathe. Just take in what is around us, enjoy the ones we love, be rid of the anger or resentment that we might have in our hearts. Just be still and wander in God's Glory. Believe that He loves us, each one of us. More than we can fathom, if you are a Mom, can you imagine He loves us more than we love our own children. Here is the kicker, He wants us to love Him more than we love our own children. Can I do this? It is my desire. It is my desire to put Him first.
It has been a long long time since I have felt this way. I feel like I have been walking in the dessert for the past 2.5 to 6 years. I cannot imagine 40 years. I latch on and am ready to be in a daily walk and something happens and I fall off. I commit to what He wants me to do, something bad happens and I fall and think ok God, I know you can't use me now. But, He says come on back, tie yourself back to me, we will use this as part of your story too. He never turns His back on me. He longs for me to get that He is not going to leave me nor forsake me. When will I believe and trust Him for this. What could He do with me if I would only completely surrender, wholeheartedly.
The time is now, will I act? How about you and how about me, do you/I feel the deep longing in our souls to be sold out 100% to the ONE that loves us more than any other? Is there a purpose in your/my life that we know God has given us? Have you/I stepped out in faith and just jumped off the cliff and been set free? Could today be the day for you/me? He does not fail, He will catch us and He will set us free, you and I, we just have to be willing.
"Your name and renown (fame) are the desire of our hearts. My soul yearns for you in the night; in the morning my spirit longs for you." Isaiah 26:8-9

Cajun Shrimp Anyone?

2010-04-15T18:24:00.008-05:00

I decided to do a simple task today and go to the mall to buy a bottle of Cajun Shrimp OPI nail polish. I ventured into Trade Secrets to discover they were out of the color I was looking for. Of course, I had to check out all of their colors and did find a color that I thought I liked. It is OPI Red My Fortune Cookie. But, I really wanted to know what Cajun Shrimp looked like. So, I ventured on down to Regis Hair Salon to see if they had any...why yes as a matter of fact they did. So, I bought me a bottle.

I then decided to go back to Trade Secrets to compare my new fun bottle of Cajun Shrimp to Red My Fortune Cookie. I looked at them and looked at them and finally decided what the heck, I'm going to get this bottle too. So, I made my purchase, the nice lady put both bottles gently into a bag and off I went.

I got in the ol Tahoe, put my keys in the ignition, locked the doors of course (I wouldn't want anyone to try to get me!), and had the thought to get my other color out and put it on another nail to see just which one I thought was the prettiest and the funnest. I put my hand in the bag and felt something wet. When I pulled my hand out it is covered in a lovely color of Cajun Shrimp or Red My Fortune Cookie. Now, I'm not sure how this next step happened BUT I ended up with the nail polish ALL OVER the front and back of BOTH of my hands. Now, I didn't know which color it was at the time because I had my sunglasses on and not my reading glasses. I could have no more read the bottom of that bottle than the man in the moon. So, I have to figure out a way to get the keys out of the ignition, unlock the car and get out of it and shut it without having nail polish all over everything I own.

God loves to keep me humble...I go walking back into the mall with my hands straight up in the air, covered in nail polish and carrying the bag that is full of the nail polish. I got to Trade Secrets first because its closest and wouldn't it be nice if it was the bottle of polish I bought from them so I wouldn't have to walk ALL THE WAY down to the other salon. Of course, when they see me their eyes get big and they say OH NO what happened. I tell them I don't know and could they please read the bottle that is broken because I can't see. Well, as you might know, the polish that was broken was Cajun Shrimp from none other than the other salon. Trade Secrets lady said she would clean up the other bottle while I go to the other salon with hands held high in the air.

I pass a lady as I'm walking and she looks at my hands and says oh no that's not good...yes I know its not. I walk into Regas and the poor little girl is mortified, her eyes get the size of Texas. What happened, she asked. I tell her my story with my hands still held high. They look at the bottle, which we find out is cracked down the side and must have just poured out when laid on its side,and says lets get you cleaned up. She ends up standing in front of their counter with a hair towel pouring finger nail polish remover on it scrubbing my left hand. After she gets it off of my left hand she gives it to me to get it off of my right hand. They find me another bottle of Cajun Shrimp, let me go wash my hands and send me on my way.

As I'm walking back to Trade Secrets to get my other bottle of polish, I pass the same daggum lady. She says, well you got it taken care of, didn't you. Yes, yes I did. The lady at Trade Secrets hands me my cleaned up bottle and I am on my way.

The entire time I'm going through this most embarrassing process all I think about is why can't my daughter or my friends be with me during this humiliating and funny time of my life. I mean seriously they probably would have peed their pants.

I still have a Cajun Shrimp tint to my hands but all is well now. Oh, except my car smells like a bottle of finger nail polish and I am the happy owner of Cajun Shrimp and Red My Fortune Cookie. Do you think OPI would like for me to do a commercial for them. "Woman does anything to get one of our bottles of polish!!!!"

Just a day in the life...

Goodbye to a dear, sweet lady!

2010-04-12T18:10:00.007-05:00

I went to a funeral today. I went to a funeral for a woman I had not seen in years but loved her so much. I went to a funeral today and the emotions overcame me. They started to play the piano, the organ and the sweet hymns of old and I knew that this sweet lady was with the Lord and I knew the Lord was in that place.

Sweet Nadyne Swaffer...a woman you couldn't help but to love! One of the sweetest, if not the sweetest, women I have ever had the honor of knowing. I worked with her at Little Rocks First Baptist Church. She was, until last Thursday, the receptionist plus so much more at the church and had been working there for somewhere around 25 years. She was 70 years old. In our office we were in a pod type room. There were 3 pastors, 2 secretaries and Nadyne. The way the room was set I could hear everything Nadyne said to everyone and how she answered the phone each and every time. She never had an ugly word to say about anyone. No matter who you were she made you feel loved and like she had known you for your entire life. I never once heard her answer the phone in a harsh tone or treat anyone as if she didn't want to help them or have time for them. If you have ever been one to answer the phones, you know that is not an easy task and especially not for 25ish years. She was hilarious, although I'm not so sure she meant to be, I think maybe she had some blonde roots but that just added to her sweet disposition.

We had so many laughs in that office! It was the best office to be in, in the church. Great memories! Nadyne, Steve Bushey, Lewie Clark, Dave Lewis, Carmen/Cheryl and me. What a group. A place where we could laugh, cry, work and pray for people. It's where I learned about discipleship and missions. It's where I became intimate with Christ. And whenever I think of the people who have shown Christ to me, Nadyne Swaffer is one of the first to come to my mind.

She had the sweetest southern voice, a gentle soul, the kind of woman I would have loved to have had as a Mom and the kind of woman I would love to be like.

Within about the last month the church had done a series or sermon on suffering and asked Nadyne to be a part of a video. They showed the video today. She read Psalm 57:1 Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me, for in you my soul takes refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed. Nadyne's disaster has passed and she is now forever with her God. He had mercy on her and took her home.

Sweet Nadyne you will always be remembered in this heart with the fondest of memories and the kindest of thoughts. My only regret is that I had not seen her in so many years. How I wish I had known she had cancer and how I wish I had gone to see her. I will see her again though and we will have the best of times there - in Heaven!!!!

You Know Your Daughter Is Getting Married When...

2009-08-12T19:15:00.002-05:00

You look online at the proof for her wedding invitation. There it is in real life...I mean like she is a real adult getting married. Surely, this is just a little pretend fun my little girl is having, isn't it? No, I don't think so. She is really getting married...the invitation says so.(They are beautiful by the way!)

She calls you to come to a furniture store to see furniture her and her future husband are about to buy for their "home". Oh my...it was like seeing myself 24 years ago. I was very proud of Mitchell, the future husband, for the way he handled himself in his business dealings!!!! It reassured me that I was right in the fact that this man can take care of my daughter.

They are officially registered for wedding gifts. Mitchell was the official "shooter" of the "gun" while they registered. It was fun helping Kristyn look for the wonderful items they were going to register for before they registered. It makes a mom proud to watch her daughter pick out things like her moms.

People have switched from "oh you have a while to get ready" to "we need shower invitation list" and "oh that is going to be here before you know it." GULP!

You see this beautiful young woman in her wedding gown. Just a glow about her when she has it on. Words are just not there to describe the feeling of seeing your baby walk out in her wedding gown. I will have to ponder this to come up with the appropriate words!

You see all her bridesmaids gather to be fitted for their dresses and try their shoes on! They all looked gorgeous! And even though they don't all see each other all the time, when they come back together, it's like they have never been apart. They just fall right back into their friendships. Love that!

Boxes and containers are being gathered so she can pack up her bedroom. She is leaving for college next week and when she comes back home for semester, she will be getting married. So, she has decided to pack her room COMPLETELY! I cannot hardly go up there! I went up the other morning to tell her bye because she was going out of town. I looked at that room and as I started back down the stairs, I just began to cry! There will be boxes for things to stay with me and boxes to take when she is married. Oh there are so many emotions around this event. When she goes to school next week, she really will not be living with me again. Just coming home for visits to do wedding planning and going to showers and having bridal portraits made. Then, December will be here and she will come home and head to that chapel and walk down that isle and become a Mrs. A Mrs. mind you. This child that I just birthed yesterday and was keeping me up all night because she was a night owl from day 1, is going to be a Mrs. She is going to be a wife. Seriously!

But, you know, a mom can tell when its time for them to leave the nest. I watched Zachary go thru this process and watched as he began to pull away and become his own person and I knew I had to let this happen. (ugh, talk about a weird feeling, going upstairs and seeing his room being clean all the time and his bed always made because he rarely comes home :(. )I see that in her now. It has just been of late that I have began to notice the switch. Be assured it is there, her heart is going to be with Mitchell already and she is preparing to be a wife. She is so excited to make her home with her almost husband. This is how it should be.

One of my favorites times as of late has been when we have been in the pool and she has no make-up on and her hair is wet and slicked back. She looks like that little girl that I raised instead of the young woman she has become. It is just fun to get a little glimpse back in time. Doesn't last for long though, she may look like my "little girl" but she does not act like a little girl any longer. Oh she has her moments. We can get so tickled that I almost pee my pants (Pretty Woman comment!) Ok, sorry, I have gotten off the beaten path. Starting to head down memory lane, another post perhaps.

Seeing my closet and office fill with bags of stuff being purchased for the wedding. The goal is to have everything possible done before she goes back to school. We are pretty darn close. Granted there is still plenty to do but we are doing great with the planning.

Ok, well I feel better getting all of that out of me. Next week, I will turn 48 and take my daughter to school for the last time. I am so excited for her and I know she is so ready to be married and settled and for this I am grateful. I know its going to be so hard to let her go, I get a lump in my throat just thinking about it but I know its the right thing and all will be well. It will be well with my soul!!!!! I'm Trusting!

As a side bar - I apologize to those of you that I haven't called like I should or gotten with like I should. I don't think I have ever had a summer go by so fast and been so busy. Please be patient with me thru the end of this year. I love you all but my girl is getting married and my boy has been in Fayetteville all summer and they have kept me busy. I'm enjoying it while I can!

Love ya!

2009-07-22T12:57:00.003-05:00

It's Bailey Anne James who will be 3 months old this Friday, the 24th. She is just so darn cute and hilarious to watch. That first month it was like having a newborn/toddler in the house...about wore me out. We now have our little routine down and she has settled into the family dynamics. She is just a joy to watch. She loves being outside all the time. She chases moths and grass that is blowing and has now discovered a frog that gets on the porch every night, she just barks at that frog. She rarely barks which is nice, I didn't want a yapper!

I KNOW it has been sooooooooooooooo long since I have posted but life has just been a little busy. My sweet Kristyn has been home this summer, going to school, working and we have been planning the big event, her wedding. Her goal is to get everything done that we can possibly get done before she goes back to Fayetteville on August 20th. We have gotten so much done. We have her entire wedding ensemble and the bridesmaids dresses and shoes. We have picked out the flower girls dress. We have the chapel, the reception, the photographer, the cake, the flowers, there have been shower dates planned. It is just rolling right along. It is now less than 5 months away and I cannot believe it. It will be here before we turn around.

When Kristyn goes back to school its going to be really sad for me because that will mean she no longer lives with me. She'll come home for showers etc. and then when the semester is over, she will come home to get married. So surreal. I'm so happy for her and Mitchell but am shocked that this time has come. I want to enjoy every last minute I have with her.

Zach has been in Fayetteville this summer going to school and coaching the West Fork Sr. Babe Ruth baseball team. They came in 1st place for the season, won the championship tournament (I was there for this and it was so exciting!!!! The look on my boys face when they won that game was priceless.) He has now been the assistant coach for the allstar team. This past weekend they went to Jonesboro for the state tourny. They won all their games to become the state champs. How cool is that!!!!! He is done for the summer now. The team goes on to Texas but Zach cannot go.

I guess that is whats happening in my world right now. Hopefully, I will be back sooner to post. I'd love to get a laptop for my birthday, then I would be able to write a lot more!!! We'll see.
Have a great day!

Bailey!

2009-05-12T23:05:00.023-05:00

Hi, everyone! It is Kristyn, I'm uploading pictures for "Granny Beth" (the name I decided me and Zach's children should call her...haha). I'm doing the pictures because "Beth" isn't so good at it :)

For Mother's Day this year we decided to get my mom a new puppy. She has made suggestions here and there of getting one...but I knew she would never go all the way... and buy one. So, I set out to find one...and man did I find some crazy people selling dogs. Anyways long story short...I found a lady in Crossett, AR on the internet here "PUPPIES". She was very legit and had a fresh litter of miniature dachshunds. I called her up on the phone and she had a female which is what we wanted. The puppy was chocolate and tan which is so beautiful and something we never had or seen before. She sent me pictures and I fell in love. But, the puppies would not be ready to leave their mom until May 29th. So I went to Petsmart and bought a collar, dachshund key chain, puppy bones, and a puppy toy. Wrapped all the goodies up in a cute puppy "paw" bag and pink tissue paper (because it is a girl) and got a "Congrats on the New Pet" card!
On Mother's Day Eve we sat "Beth" down and made her close her eyes. We placed the bag of goodies in her lap along with my lab top with a picture of the new puppy on the screen. She was so excited and loved her as much as we did. YAY!!
So, today we drove down to Crossett (2 1/2 hours) to see her and made a deposit.

As of today she is officially Moms and we are so happy. My mom also decided a while back if she ever got a new pup she would name her "Bailey"...so folks we got a "Bailey" and we will meet to pick her up to join the family officially on May 29th. It was a great time and she is so darn precious. I hope that "Granny Beth" is pleased and I know they will have fun times together! I love you MOMS!!

The puppies with their mommy (which is very PRETTY)!

Bailey just being...soo very cute! :)
Can you believe how tiny she is?

We love her so much already!!

p.s- If you want to see more pictures of Bailey click here "Beth"!

TO "G"

2009-04-21T11:28:00.003-05:00

G,

You left a post on my blog about my friend Robin Wooten. I have no way of responding to you. I'm just wondering who you are.

Who was Robin's new best friend? Where did she work?

Are you the same person that responded a long time ago to my blog about Robin? I had sent that person an email back but never heard from them.

It's just so interesting to me how you found my blog and two people out here in blog land know the same person from so long ago.

I hope to hear back from you. I'm just being curious :)
b

Easter Weekend

2009-04-13T13:33:00.003-05:00

Easter 2009!

Friday I went grocery shopping for the kids being h0me and for Easter dinner. When I got home I made a "from scratch" cream cheese pound cake that Zach loves. You bake it and then wrap it alum. foil for 24 hours before cutting. Oh my it is soooo good! I then made the batter for what I call TQ's sugar cookies. My friend TQ gave me the recipe years ago and this is the first time we made them. I put the batter in the frig. for us to make on Saturday. I also made all the easter baskets and hid them so I wouldn't have to do it while they were there!

Zach and Kristyn got home Friday night. We watched Doubt when they got there and just hung out together...love love love this time with them.

Saturday, everyone slept in. The kids are so tired when they get home for a weekend plus I think it just feels good to be in their own beds! We made sugar cookies on and off all day. I rolled out the dough and cut out bunnies, circles, eggs and ice cream cones ( I know these aren't easter but they are so cute). Zach and Kristyn did the decorating, well Kristyn did most of the decorating, Zach only decorated a select few and they were quite interesting. He decided one of the bunnies needed male private parts! BOYS! Kristyn and I also made the deviled eggs for Sunday. Saturday night, their dad wanted to take them to a BBQ place in Little Rock and the kids wanted me to go so I did. We had a good time.

Sunday, the three of us got up and went to church at 9:00. It was a good service and then left in the pouring rain. Got home and I finished up lunch while Kristyn set the table really pretty and made bags of cookies with ribbon for Mitchell, Susanna and her dad.

I invited Dave and his parents over for lunch so they could see the kids. Zach is torn when he comes home over who to spend time with and I don't want him to feel that way so I decided its easier for me to endure so that he can be comfortable and want to come home. All went well except some frustration inside of me.

We had...honeybaked ham, potato salad, green bean bundles, corn casserole, homemade macaroni and cheese, deviled eggs and rolls. I made strawberries in sugar to go with the pound cake for dessert and cookies of course. I divided all the left overs up and sent them with everyone so they wouldn't be left in my house. I love sending food back to school with the kids. For the first time at a holiday meal, I asked Zach to pray and he did. Touched my heart!

They liked their Easter baskets. I get them things they need and then add the kind of candy they like. Kristyn got perfume and a couple of bracelets, scarves and socks. Zach a shirt, socks, sunflower seeds and candy. Mitchell a shirt and sunflower seeds and candy. Susanna got dark chocolate, candy and socks.

Kristyn surprised me with a coffee cup made by the art students at UofA, its so unique, I love it. She put some candy in it and a charm that has the shape of AR on one side and a razorback on the other for my pandora bracelet.

We did a lot of laughing this weekend which I LOVE. Also, I had bought a tower of crayons and new coloring books. Both of the kids colored such pretty pictures. Its a tradition for us.

I so enjoyed having my kids at church with me and to be able to worship with them on this special Sunday of Jesus' resurrection. I am a blessed mom!

Catching UP!!!!

2009-04-03T14:03:00.004-05:00

I cannot believe its been a month since I last posted. Time gets away quickly. So I thought today I would write about what has been going on in my life the last month.

Zach and Kristyn were both on spring break. Zach came home the first weekend but then had to go back for baseball, his highschool team was not on spring break. So, after he left we went to the chapel kristyn is getting married and took a tour. Mitchell (fiance), his mom Sharon, Kristyn and I went. That was fun and the chapel is so beautiful. It is at Hendrix College and has the stained glassed windows, one isle (which is very important to K) and beautiful wood work. Also, a fantastic looking organ. The four of us went to dinner together afterwards. Fun times!
The next day we went to meet with the florist and ordered flowers. Scott is so amazing and has such wonderful ideas.

On Wednesday afternoon Kristyn and I went to Fayetteville to spend the rest of the week with Zach and of course so she could see Mitchell. We stayed with Zach because all of his roommates were gone. That was fun. Zach had even washed his sheets for his Ma to sleep in his bed. Didn't get it made but at least he washed them! I cleaned their kitchen, his bathroom, vacuumed, dusted, swept, mopped and did laundry. You know, 6 guys, 1 house, their idea of clean and a moms idea of clean, 2 different things.

They took me to dinner at Wasabi, their favorite rest. for sushi. I tried but I didn't like it...sorry I'm just not a sushi girl.

On Friday night we got to see Zach help coach the baseball team. My heart just swelled watching him. Kristyn made fun of me because she could just see my heart melting watching him. You would have thought he was the head coach. I miss going to baseball games and watching him and all the "boys" play and this night brought back the memories. For any of you other Moms that were at those games with me, it was freezing, remember???? And then, to see him out there being called "Coach James" like he is an adult or something, oh I guess he is, isn't he! At one point he was at the door of the dugout and every one of those boys were standing right behind him just talking to him. He loves doing this and I think will make a great coach. Oh, they also won their games that night, it was a double header. His coach told me I had to come to every game since they won. They are a young team and so don't win a lot of games. We went to IHOP after the game and he began telling me and Kristyn about all the boys, who they liked, what they were like etc. So fun!

It was fun just hanging out with the three kids during the week without interruptions. Zach, Kristyn and I even ended up in the same bed one morning...just like the ol days. I'm sure Mitchell wishes he could have been there for that!

Ok, moving on...Kristyn came home last weekend and we went shopping all day Saturday. She is looking for an outfit to wear for her engagement pictures that are coming up! We had so much fun, laughing, talking, eating and shopping for her, of course.

Kristyn is majoring in nursing, wants to be a labor and delivery nurse. She studies all the time, goes the extra mile to go to study labs they provide for classes. She has to apply for nursing school and they only take a certain amount at the UofA and her desire is to be accepted on her time schedule so she can finish her degree on time. She received an email last week inviting her to join the NASC Honor Society Membership. It is by invitaion only and has a lot of benefits for joining. I'm so proud of her for putting so much effort into her classes. She is very goal oriented and focused. She will make a wonderful nurse some day. She will also make a beautiful bride come December!

Wedding...well, we have the photographer, the place, the reception, flowers, bridesmaids dresses. The next biggies are the cake and the wedding dress!!! She has her mind about made up on invitations. Mitchell has booked their honeymoon...they are going on a cruise. They will get married, spend the weekend away, be home for Christmas, then leave on their honeymoon January 2. He has also reserved the car to take them from the wedding to the reception. They are now applying for their passports. Mitchell has decided what he wants to do for his bachelor celebration. He wants to go to Texas to see the Razorbacks play in the new stadium. His dad is working on making that happen for him. What a fun weekend that will be for him and his guys and the dads.

They are having a very traditional, elegant wedding. It will be such a wonderful celebration of Kristyn and Mitchell. Its so sweet because neither of them want the other to be overlooked, they want everything to be about both of them. The ceremony to be a sacred moment and the rest to be a time of celebrating them. I will be investing in the softest kleenex I can find. I'm so happy for them and am so excited to see them start their life together but this moma will cry and has cried.

Well, as you can tell the last month has been a lot about my kiddo's, as usual. It is so nice to enjoy them so much at this age as I did at every other age. God has blessed me with two great children and soon to be one son-in-law. (Just don't tell him I said that!)

I have been taking a class on Tuesday nights, its a pretty deep class about figuring out "your stuff"! Also, I have started a new aphgan, its going to be so pretty. The colors are a deep purple, taupe, green and a deep burgandy. I can't wait to see how it turns out.

Its been fun catching up and I'm going to try to get some more pics on here soon. I promise. The kids will be home for Easter and so I hope to get some good pictures that weekend. Easter, what a time that is...when Christ got on that cross for every single one of us and for every single one of our sins and took that weight on Himself and died so that we could live and so we could be forgiven. There is no sin to big for Him and nothing happens to us that He can't handle. Then, then He arose. Gives me chill bumps to think of such a God. I am thankful to know Him and I hope if you are reading this, you know Him too. If not, ask me about Him.

My Boy!

2009-03-05T13:47:00.006-06:00

It's baseball season again! This is his 17th year of baseball. He began instructional league when he was 4 years old. This year it's a little different though. He is coaching! Now, for this mom, that is crazy!

This is Zach's senior year of high school. 2006.

Zach is getting his degree in Kenesiology. He wants to be a coach and teach history or P.E. About 15 minutes from Fayetteville, where he goes to school, is a town named West Fork. He is doing something like an internship with the high school baseball team.

He is right handed but bats left!

Does he love it, well, of course he does. The coaches are really good guys and are allowing Zach to really be involved in helping coach. He is riding the bus just like the 'ol days, wearing a uniform, even got new shoes (fortunately I didn't have to pay for this pair, the school did!)

Baseball is truly his passion. What an awesome thing if he gets to do this for a living. How many people do you or I know that actually love what they do? And, he'll be working with kids and God can use him to impact their lives for His glory. Isn't that great!

I can't wait to go watch him in a game. That will be so fun! I miss the days of going to the ballpark and watching baseball and softball games 3-4 nights a week. That was our life and I loved it.

March 3

2009-03-03T15:54:00.002-06:00

My scripture this 1/2 of the month is:
Psalm 73:26
My mind and my body may grow weak, but God is my strength; He is all I ever need.

I NEED this verse this week...I have grown tired and weary and need God's strength and for Him to lift me out of this pit.

Do you ever wonder what brings on sadness...loneliness...depression. You seem to be going along doing ok and then its like a dark cloud just moves over top and refuses to move on and let the sun come back out. Makes no sense to me.

One thing I know is that God is my refuge and my strength and no matter what else, He is here with me, even if I can't feel Him.

So for those of you who aren't on top of your game this week, here's to you and to me, may God be our strength and let His Son shine thru quickly in our lives.

:)

2009-02-28T17:44:00.003-06:00

Hello Beth,

This is how you put a picture on your blog! I love you!!

Your favorite daughter ever! :)

What happened to the 15th?????

2009-02-19T23:45:00.003-06:00

I cannot believe no one has called me out on this one. I didn't put a post about our scriptures for February 15th. Time got away from me and I do apologize. So, I'm wondering did you go ahead and change your scripture or are you still working on the first 3? What is going on out there scripture sisters?

I have to admit I've had a harder time with my verses this time. But, I'm going to keep on keepin on. Do you remember that saying? I hope you are joining me in keeping your scripture memorization going.

Come on girls, we can do this...we are only in February...let's do this together. Let me know how you are doing?

Colossians 3:16a- Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly.
The above is my verse and what I desire to do, I want God's word to dwell in me, richly. I want to know His word.
love
beth

I love this!

2009-02-03T22:34:00.002-06:00

Scripture Sisters,

I love you all sending me your scripture. Just reading them gives me this wonderful feeling. I want to memorize them all with you. They are all so fitting for me and you. Isn't that awesome. You go girls!!!!! I'm so proud of all of you...and thankful for the Word and how powerful it is and real and true and God-breathed.

Thank you for joining with me in this adventure, its boost me to keep going and to keep learning. Where 2 or more are gathered together...well here we are and I know God is smiling at us!

Have a great week.
b

February 1

2009-02-01T21:12:00.002-06:00

Its February 1st! We should have all memorized at least 2 verses for the month of January.

Now onto the 3rd for the first half of February.

I would like to memorize Psalm 63:1-8 and so I'm just going to write all 8 verses, it may take me a while to memorize it all but I'm hoping it will come quickly.

1) O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.

2) I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.

3) Because your LOVE is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.

4) I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.

5) My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

6) On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.

7) Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.

8) My soul clings to you;
Your right hand upholds me.

I pray the Lord will continually draw us to Himself thru memorizing His word. Ask and you shall receive, so I'm asking that His word would become a part of us, that we would think on it when we lay down to sleep and when we awake in the morning. Through remembering His word we would be changed and He would be glorified!
b

Kids and Ice Storms

2009-01-30T13:16:00.003-06:00

As you have probably heard, an ice storm hit Fayetteville, AR this week. I realize this week how hard it is for me to be here without my children when there is crisis going on. They are fine, a little irritable maybe, but ok. They have all seem to handle themselves fine. Zach's house is without electricity, Kristyn's fiance's apt is without elec., Kristyn's dorm has elec. but she has no food there. So, they have been floating around. Of course, I wish they were home with me but neither of them want to come home.

Reality check. They are growing up and even though there is unpleasant times they are sticking it out and handling the moment. That is what I raised them to be, right? UGH!

They were both home last weekend and didn't want to make the trip back home. I have discovered Zach feels like he has to please to much when he is here. He feels torn about where to spend his time, between me and his dad. I know where that pressure is coming from and its not his moma. I just want them to want to come home, thats all. And feel comfortable being home and not feel pressure to have to be with or do anything with anyone.

Krsityn has been sick this entire time with soar throat, cold, headache. Her and Mitchell went to WalMart last night after he got off work at 11:00 to get her some drugs. WalMart had closed at 10:00 p.m. due to the weather!

I've noticed I have had a really hard time sleeping this week. I think because I'm thinking about them sleeping in the cold or not and wondering where they are.

All of this to say...my kids are growing up and handling themselves pretty well and I'm back here wanting to still be a mom and finding I'm not needed so much. Another reality check. I know this is the way its supposed to be but that doesn't mean its easy.

Way to go kids and the way you've managed this week and I just know I'll be better the next time something happens, won't I?

MeMe

2009-01-25T11:50:00.003-06:00

Rules: Post the list on your blog replacing my answers with yours. Tag 25 people to do the same. Don't forget to Tag me back. I tag everyone that reads my blog.

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? My Granny's name was Elizabeth but was called Bessie hence Elizabeth aka Beth for me.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Today, I cry just about every day.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Yes

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Turkey

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Zach 21 and Kristyn 19 and a birth son Daniel 23

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Yes

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM? Some but not a lot

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? No I'm afraid it would hurt my neck or back

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Frosted Flakes

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? No

12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Probably home made vanilla, the old fashioned home made kind.

13. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? I look them up and down, checking them out as my friends would say. I try to see their soul!

14. RED OR PINK? RED

15. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My size

16. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My Dad who died in 1985, my Granny who died in 1981 and my kids when they aren't home.

17. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?? Absolutely, I love knowing more about people

18. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Red plaid pj bottoms and beige house shoes

19. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Some commercial on the tv.

20. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Red

21. FAVORITE SMELLS? Wood Wick Carmel candle, my kids hair, rain and coffee :)

22. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Kristyn, my baby girl

23. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO POSTED THIS NOTE? I've never met her personally but I like her thru blogging.

24. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Whatever my kids are playing which isn't much anymore!

25. HAIR COLOR? I was born red headed - turned white - turned blond - turned dirty dishwater blond - turned I now get it colored to remain my blond.

26. EYE COLOR? Hazel

27. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? No.

28. FAVORITE FOOD? I really cannot answer that...I love food...I enjoy salty more than sweet and I love soups.

29. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy endings, I'm a die hard romantic

30. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Loving Leah, the Hallmark movie on last night (Sunday)

31. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Red tshirt from my sons fraternity and a plaid robe he got me for Christmas.

32. SUMMER OR WINTER? Winter

33. HUGS OR KISSES? Hugs, I think I've forgotten how to kiss!

34. FAVORITE DESSERT? Home made Cream Cheese Pound Cake or homemade banana nut bread with a little butter on it and a cup of coffee.

35. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?

36. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?

37. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? I'm reading a book about doing some healing from my past and memorizing scripture. I haven't been in a big reading mood lately, it comes in phases.

38. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? I don't have a mouse pad.

39. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Loving Leah, 18 and counting - the Dugger wedding

40. FAVORITE SOUND(S)? Conversation with my kids and their laughter when we are together. Rain. When my phone rings and one of my friends is calling me.

41. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Neither.

42. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? China

43. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? I'm a great listener and I can touch my nose with my tongue :)

44. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Miami, Florida

45. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? EVEYBODY!!

46. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER? Church...but we are separated at the present time and heading towards divorce.

OK...I'm going to tag people, but if I haven't listed you and you stop by my blog, come on and play. Just let me know so I can come by and check out your answers!!

I tag: Everyone that read my blog!

So come on and tell us about yourself!!

Happy 21st Birthday Zachary!!!!

2009-01-22T13:50:00.003-06:00

All About Zach:

I had a great pregnancy with you. I craved Dr. Pepper and M&M's.
Your room was done in Koala bears. I had collected them for years. We even put a pole in your room from floor to ceiling and hung all my stuffed koala's on it. Very cute but I wouldn't do that now.
Born January 22, 1988, Friday, 1:58 a.m., Baptist Memorial Hospital
Blond hair on the prettiest shaped 15.5 inch head ( you were in the birth canal such a short time that you looked like a c-section baby!)
8 lbs. 12 oz., 22.5 inches and now 6'3" and around 200 lbs.
Blue eyes
You took to nursing like nobodies business and have always enjoyed a good meal!
Your love for sports started as a toddler, especially baseball. I guess we should have known you would want to be a baseball coach and here you are fulfilling your dream.
You love music. As a toddler we would be home and you could be in your walker anywhere in the house and the song "Don't Worry, Be Happy" would come on the TV and you would run in that walker to the television and just stare at the TV and "dance". I know I should have given you piano lessons!
You didn't like baby food but real food. Your dad started giving you iced tea at about 6 months out of his glass and you have been drinking it since.
Your dad and you had a special bond from birth.
You never would take a bottle, you went straight from nursing to a sippy cup.
I nursed you for 14.5 months, until I found out I was pregnant with your baby sister!
Jacob and Tyler have been your friends since you hung out together while still in the wombs of your moms. They have spent every birthday with you and you them.
Even though your love language isn't gifts, you love celebrating your birthday and always want it to be special.
You never used your baby bed. I guess you didn't like it :), instead you chose to sleep in a big ol water bed with your mom and dad.
You have always been the snuggliest baby and person. Even as a baby when you would go to sleep you didn't move. You are like that to this day.
You give GREAT hugs.
You came to know Jesus at church camp and baptized at Gravel Ridge First Baptist Church.
You are now 21 and have had a great life so far, I think. You have been blessed to grow up in the same place and with a great group of friends. You've gone to school together, played sports together, gone to church and church camps together. You have a baby sister that loves you and you love her and when push comes to shove, you are there for each other.
You have mourned the loss of some good friends and have attended more funerals than you should have at this age. I have been proud of the way you have been in this area of your life. You and your friends were always there for each other during these times and always wanted to be together.
Your friends parents have loved you. They say it takes a village to raise a child and I believe you were blessed to be raised by a village of people that have loved you.
You have been loved with passion and unconditionally by your parents.
You have been such a blessing to my life and I am so humbled and honored to have had the privilege of being the woman who gave birth to you and raised you, the Moma in your life. What a gift God gave to me when He gave you to me.
I love you so very much and pray the next 21 years will be filled with great blessings. You will have tough times and I pray you go to your heavenly Father for wisdom in these times. You will have great joy like you have yet to experience and I pray you go to your Abba Father and thank Him for these times. You will be a mentor to people you don't even realize you are mentoring.
Love God passionately, without reservation, give everything to Him and you cannot fail. Doesn't mean life will be perfect but it means you will be where you need to be and have the strength of a god that is perfect and Holy and Good and loves you so much!

Well, I really didn't mean to go into all of that but since I have, I think I will leave it. Here's to you Zach, Zachy, Zachary, Zachary David, Zachariah, Happy Birthday with love from your Ma!

The Bridal Weekend

2009-01-20T23:28:00.003-06:00

Well we had a really nice weekend.

Saturday night, a total of 8 of us went to Cupcakes on Kavanaugh and then to Macaroni Grill for dinner. We saved our cupcakes for after dinner. Then on to the movie. It was a really funny movie but I still managed to cry! After the movie we took everyone home and then Kristyn and I went to WalMart to buy some school supplies and stuff to make chili.We got home and sat and talked until around 2 a.m. I cherish those talks with that child!

Sunday, we went to church and heard a great testimony from a man on forgiveness. After church we went to lunch and then Sharon, Kristyn's future mother-in-law, Kristyn, me and Becky went to the bridal fair. It was packed with vendors. All brides wore a sticker that was pink and white and shaped like a diamond ring. They filled out slips to win things at every table. We didn't win anything though :( It was really fun just being able to see all the different types of wedding ideas. There was a fashion show at the end that was so fun. Kristyn really enjoyed going. We came home and as soon as we got here, she had to put her stuff in the car and head back to school. We have two huge bags full of stuff she got at the bridal fair waiting for her to go thru when she comes back home.

A good time was had by all. I always am sad to see her go but excited to know she'll be coming home again.

Next weekend - Zach and his girlfriend are coming home for his 21st birthday. His birthday is Thursday the 22nd and they will be home on Friday. This will be the first birthday of his that I have not been with him. Makes me so sad! But, I am trying to refrain from getting in my car and heading to Fayetteville!!!!! It will be fine I know. So, the next post will be all about Zach!!!!!!!

Its Friday!

2009-01-16T17:48:00.002-06:00

I woke up this morning with such a headache that I decided I would just keep laying in bed. I slept a lot this morning and I just have to say, it was wonderful. The best part, I have no guilt!!!!!

Kristyn, my baby girl of 19, is on her way home from school for the weekend. I love love love when my kids are home. We have a pretty busy weekend ahead of us. Tomorrow we have to go to WalMart and get school supplies for Kristyn and stuff to make chili for her to take back to her brother. He hasn't felt real good this week and wants his Ma to send him some chili. Tomorrow night we go to see Bridal Wars or whatever that new movie is called. Of course, that also means going out to eat.

Sunday, church, a guy is giving his testimony about forgiveness. I think the way the story goes is his family was killed but he lived and later found out his son was the one behind the killing. He has written a book and its supposed to be an amazing testimony. I'll let you know Monday!

After church, eat again, then off to the Bridal Fair for the afternoon. Krisytn, as I've already posted is getting married in December and so we are going to look at all the vendors and the fashion shows. I hope this will be fun and I hope she wins something wonderful!!!!! You know like a free wedding :) wouldn't that be the greatest. I'm sure they don't even have that option but I think its a great idea.

Its also nice meeting all of you who have come over to my blog about the scripture memorization. Its just so fun meeting all of you and to think that women all over the country are memorizing scripture together. Wow, doesn't that just give you the coolest feeling inside! I'm looking forward to knowing all of you better!
b

January 15th

2009-01-15T10:57:00.005-06:00

Good Morning,

I was a little late getting on my blog this morning because I had to wait until I got to work to do so. BUT, I'm so excited to see everyone with their new scriptures. That is so fantastic!!!!

I'm curious about how your first verse went, did you get it memorized, did you look at beth moore's tutorial on memorizing and did that help. Do you have a great way that you memorize? I'd love to hear comments about this.

I got my first verse done and the one below it. There are 4 verses in a row that I wanted to memorize and God just allowed me to get the first two already. Psalm 18:16-17.
16 He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
He drew me out of deep waters.
17 He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.

My next verse(s) is Psalm 18:18-19.
18 They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the Lord was my support.
19 He brought me out into a spacious place;
He rescued me because He delighted in me.

As you can probably tell by my scripture, my life has been in turmoil this last year. I'm just trusting God to fix me and my circumstances and in the mean time to trust Him to draw me out of deep waters and rescue me because He does delight in me. Isn't that just amazing, He delights in each one of us, individually and personally. I love that and depend upon Him doing so.

So, you go girls...on to the next verse(s). Just remember to keep saying and praying the first one because by the end of the year we want to be able to have all 24 verses in our hearts, minds and souls and be able to say them easily.
In Him!
ps- i don't know if you know about this or not but there is a web site that you can go to and have the bible right there to look up scripture. Someone sent it to my email address and I just keep it there and when I need to look up a verse and don't have my bible handy, I go there. It is www.biblegateway.com

Scripture memorization Update

2009-01-08T20:33:00.003-06:00

Hello friends,
Well, how is everyone doing with their first memory verse? I'm getting it, but its slow. I'm praying God will help me to retain the Word. I hope you are having so much fun doing this, I am so enjoying getting the Word in my heart and mind.

I wanted to share with you Beth Moore's blog. It is www.livingproofministries.blogspot.com
She posted a mini-turorial about how to memorize scripture. It is really good. You can also sign up on their blog to be part of their group to do scripture memorization this year.

I'm sure all of you know who she is but in case you don't...She is a bible teacher. She has written many bible studies and speaks all over the world. She loves the Lord. In fact, when her first bible study came out I was meeting with a lady and we decided to do a bible study and she picked Beth's first one. God used that study and the time I spent in my quiet time to change my life completely. I highly recommend participating in one of her studies if you have not.

On another note, Zach and Kristyn are leaving Saturday to go back to school. Where has the time gone? It seems like they just got here for Christmas and now they are heading back to school for the next semester. My house will become quiet and I'm guessing I will be doing a lot more crocheting! I miss them so much when they are gone.

This is a big year for us. Zach turns 21 this month! He's really excited. He is bringing his girlfriend home the weekend of his birthday and we will go out to eat at Shogun and have birthday cake from Rick's in Fayetteville. He just can't think of anything he wants for his birthday.

Kristyn is getting married December 19th and so we are now planning her wedding. She will turn 20 in November before getting married. We already have the chapel booked, the reception booked, the bridesmaid dresses bought. No, we haven't even looked at a wedding dress yet. She wanted to make sure she got these two places taken care of before someone else booked them.

Me, well I have the rest of my weight to lose. I've kind of gotten off track while the kids have been home but I've only gained 1 pound back. So, Monday I'm back on it hard. Weight Watchers is just easy for me to do. I'm praying hard for this house to sell and I have pictures to go thru and scarves and aphgans to make!

Here's looking forward to a great '09!

Ps:18:16 He reached down from on high and took hold of me. He brought me out of deep waters.

b

My Cup Runneth Over

2009-01-03T08:43:00.002-06:00

Good morning dear friends,
My heart was so full when I saw fellow bloggers having a desire to grow in their knowledge of God's word. How exciting. Thank you betty for posting as well, you reach a lot more people than I do and for that I'm grateful.

A couple of you asked how we are going to meet or do this. Well, here it is:
1) Get your notecards.
2) On the 1st and 15th of each month we will all pick a new scripture. Everyone's may be different and some of us may pick the same one. Doesn't matter, just whatever you feel led to memorize and meditate on. By the way, if you haven't started and still want to, jump on the wagon. Its only Jan 3rd, you have plenty of time to learn a verse by Jan.15th.
3)Post on my blog the scripture you are going to memorize.
4) On the 15th we can post our new scripture and tell how we did with our first one. During the month if you are having problems or you are so excited because of what you are learning, post about it.
5) I find it really good to pray the scripture back to the Lord as well. It is His word and so if we pray His word to Him, He is delighted.
6) I have a friend that lives in another state and she and one of her friends have been meeting on a regular basis since around 2000 to do scripture memorization. They help each other. So, if you have someone close or someone to talk to on the phone that would like to join you, that would be a great way to learn as well.
7)This is simply an avenue of accountability for each of us.

May God bless each of us for being faithful to be in His word!

Good Morning January 2nd.

2009-01-02T07:34:00.003-06:00

I'm so excited to hear from those of you that have a desire to know scripture which will deepen our walk with God. I hope you have chosen a scripture and have it written on your index card (or whatever you choose)!

Thanks Betty for yours, I love it!!!

If anyone out there has a great way of memorizing, I'd love for you to share. I can always use help in that area!
I'm praying we all will have 24 new verses or passages of scripture filled in our minds and hearts by this time next year. Won't that be fantastic!

My 2009 Goals:
1. Memorize Scripture and read the Word daily, I have a desire to go deeper.
2. Join a bible study when a new one begins and really dig in and get the most I can get out of it.
3. Find a beginners Yoga class and GO.
4. Continue WW, I've lost 30 lbs so far and have a lot more to go.
5. Be kind to others and myself.
6. Help Kristyn plan her wedding and be the best mom of the bride I can be! (Please pray for me)
7. Sell this house, oh how I want to sell this house!!!!!!
8.Learn how to add pictures to my blog, help anyone??????

On anoter note, my daughter and I met a friend at Dillards yesterday. I had NO IDEA they were having such a sale. It was CRAZY! The shoe dept. and the purse dept. look like war zones. Esp. the shoe dept., you know the paper stuffed in the shoes, it was laying everywhere, boxes thrown everywhere. I felt so sorry for the people working. Kristyn found one pair of boots but there was only one of them, it took us about 10 minutes to find the match. Everything that was on sale was an additional 50% off. Kristyn got a 180.00 pair of boots for 50.00. My friend got a 310.00 purse for 75.00. The people were everywhere, it was really pretty funny. Of course, I love watching people, cracks me up! There were people carrying luggage around everywhere I looked. We finally made it up there and their luggage dept. was almost completely cleaned out! It was fun though. We decided next year on New Years day we are going to be there at 10 a.m. when the doors open!!!!!

Scripture memorization

2009-01-01T09:38:00.005-06:00

I don't know how many of you read the LPM blog, Beth Moore. But I was looking at it yesterday and they are starting today, January 1st with scripture memorization for the year. On the 1st and the 15 of each month you choose a new scripture to memorize, meditate on. You buy a spiral index card holder and carry it with you to memorize. By the end of 2009 we will have memorized 24 scriptures. Isn't that cool. So, I'm challenging you to either sign up on their blog or if you want a smaller, more intimate group, please join me. You can choose whatever scripture you want and then on the 1st and 15th we can all post our scriptures here and see what we are memorizing and hold each other accountable. Its ok, if we memorize the same scriptures or not, it will be interesting to see what scriptures come up!

If you are interested, just comment on my blog.

This is something I know I need desperately.

Here is my scripture, I opened my bible to look and it opened to the Psalms and this verse was hi-lited and just seemed to fit my life right now.

Psalm18:16
He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters.
vs 17-19 go onto to say, He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place, He rescued me because He delighted in me.

I'd like to say I could memorize all of the above, I'll try but I dont' know if I can this first time. But, isn't that great scripture. Its exactly what I need at this place in my life.

I hope you will join me!

Christmas To Me

2008-12-19T20:27:00.005-06:00

Memories
Memories of my daddy going into the bedroom on Christmas eve, locking the door and wrapping his gifts, whistling and a lot of times listening to Elvis Christmas music. Using all the leftover wrapping paper, you might have 3 kinds of paper on one gift. He loved this time of year like I do, I miss him a lot right now.

I remember the year we got Little Jon for the kids for Christmas...Kristyn got up and came into the living room, sat down beside me and started petting him and didn't even realize what she was doing. It finally dawned on her that it was a new puppy. We miss you this year Little Jon!

The first time we sent the kids on a hunt for a gift...so fun and they would get so excited and so would I. I just loved seeing their little eyes light up when they walked in the room on Christmas morning. So sweet in their new pj's they always get on Christmas eve.

Music
I love the music of the season. This year Faith Hill has a song on her album called "A Baby Changes Everything", my favorite this year. It makes me cry and it causes me to worship. If you haven't heard it, listen to it! I also love Elvis' music, listen to it every year. All Christmas music makes me happy, sometimes sad, always warm inside.

Baking
I love to bake at Christmas. Cookies, breads, salsa, cakes, its such a homey and warm feeling. Of course, I like to eat it all as well and I like sharing it with friends and family.

Lights
Watching Christmas lights just mesmerizes me. They are so romantic and pretty. I do not like my tree lights being off, they must be on if I'm home. I cannot convince my kids that this is a must, don't sit here with the lights off!!!!

Giving
I like helping children have Christmas that might not have it other wise. What a joy and a blessing. I love giving to my kids, oh my gosh this delights me to no end. I also like buying for others and seeing them be surprised and enjoy whatever it may be.

Losses
Its such a sad time of year when you have lost a loved one. We miss them so much during the holidays. I think of my friends tonight who have lost children and I wonder how they breathe, how they survive each year. I admire them, respect them and love them and pray for grace over them during this time. I continue to wonder why Lord and I can only trust You will tell us why when we get to Glory.

Family
Of course I love being with my family. My family consist of my kids and my friends. This year me and the kids are putting together a Christmas puzzle and i bought a gingerbread train for us to do...sound like fun! I know they are excited!

Jesus
This is the best part. I could not survive if it weren't for the birth of Jesus and the death of Jesus and the resurrection of Jesus. He saught me, bought me and convinced me that He does love me. He offers this to every one of us, that is the amazing part, that He can love each of us as if we were the only child. Sweet baby Jesus. A baby really does change everything.

Merry Christmas to all!

The King and His Daughter

2008-11-29T17:16:00.003-06:00

The king was conducting business before his throne. Everyone in the castle, even his wife, knew that it was forbidden to interrupt him while he was working. After all, he was the king. He commanded legions of soldiers and created law for the entire domain. His name was legendary. Young men spoke it with awe; old men, with reverence.
He sat before the leaders of state, a pensive expression on his face as he studied the documents in his lap. Suddenly the door to the room burst open, startling the dignitaries gathered in the room. The patter of little feet could be heard running across the hard stone floor, directly toward the king on his throne. The small assembly audibly gasped, stunned at the intrusion and not knowing what the king's reaction would be.
"Daddy, Daddy! I found a yellow flower!" It was the king's small daughter.
In a single motion the king swept the little girl off her feet and into his lap, scattering the important papers to the floor. His preoccupied countenance immediately transformed into sheer delight as he smiled broadly at his child and then examined her small prize. while the luminaries waited, she sat there with him, her tiny form cuddled in the crook of his strong and gentle right arm. With her head pressed against his chest, they shared secrets and some small talk. He made her giggle, and then, after kisses and a big hug, the little girl, smiling from ear to ear and glowing with contentment, climbed down from her daddy's lap and ran out of the room.

I read this story this morning in a book I'm reading. The author went on to say that our Daddy is like this king. Isn't that awesome, He is the King of kings, Lord or lords, the great I AM and yet He loves us so much and will allow us to jump up in His lap anytime, He is never to busy for us.
He also thinks we are beautiful, whether we are short or tall, skinny or chunky, it just doesn't matter, we are beautiful because we are daughters of the King. He wants to meet our deepest needs. He wants us to know that we are beautiful, valued and deeply loved.

Have a great week!

Your second child and beyond!

2008-11-25T12:22:00.002-06:00

Here you go mommies - a different kind of survey for a change - it's all about you and your second baby.

1. Were you married at the time? yes
2. What were your reactions when you found out you were pregnant? Shock, Zach was just 14 months and we had just moved into our first home. You can get pregnant while nursing and before having that first period!
3. How old were you? 28
4. How did you find out you were pregnant?
I went to the dr. thinking I had an ulcer because my stomach was so upset and hurt so much. The dr. made me do a blood test first. He came back in the room and said, (I will never forget this as long as I live) "Well Beth you are going to have to name this ulcer!"
5.Who did you tell first? Dave
6. Did you want to find out the sex? Yes but didn't find out
7. Due Date? November 17th, I think.
8. Did you deliver early or late? a week late!
9. Did you have morning sickness? I was so nauseated all the time, didn't throw up just felt so sick morning, noon and night.
10. What did you crave? M&M's again and Dr. Pepper and mexican and oranges
11. Who irritated you the most? Everything because I felt so bad
12. What was the sex? Sweet baby girl
13. How many pounds did you gain throughout your pregnancy? 35
14. Did you have any complications during your pregnancy? HEMOROIDS!!!!!! Even worse than with Zach. They wanted to do surgery but I wouldn't.
15. Where did you give birth? Memorial Hosp. NLR, no longer there.
16. How many hours were you in labor? Water broke at 12:00 Thanksgiving Day! Delivered at 9:34 that night.
17. Who drove you to the hospital? Dave
18. Who watched? Dave and the nurses and the dr.
19. Was it natural or c-section? Well I had an epidural but it didn't take because of the hemroids. I had been in bed for 3 days with them before going into labor. After Kristyn was born, the anastesioligist came up beside my bed and said "honey are you planning on having any more babies?" I said NO. She said, "good because I gave you enough medicine to numb the biggest of men and you didn't numb because of your hemrroids!" So, I felt it all baby!
20. Did you take medicine to ease the pain? Afterward, anything they would give me.
21. How much did your child weigh? 8-4, 19.5 inches
22. What did you name him/her? Kristyn Anne James
23. How old is your child today? She turned 19 on Sunday the 23rd of November.
Okay mommies, re-post this as My second baby and send it to all the other mommies plus the mommy who sent it to you.

Your First Baby

2008-11-25T12:17:00.001-06:00

Here you go mommies - a different kind of survey for a change - it's all about you and your first baby.

I'm going with Zach.
1.Were you married at the time? yes
2. What were your reactions when you found out you were pregnant? I was so happy, I sat in my chair at work and rocked.
3. How old were you? 26
4. How did you find out you were pregnant?
I had a feeling. Went to the dr. to have a pregnancy test, (showing my age here), it came back negative. The next day I went back and said, I just think you need to do this again, so they did a blood test and low and behold, I WAS. A moma knows!
5.Who did you tell first? OMG I cannot remember her name right now, I can see her as plain as day but can't remember her name, we worked together and she was sitting in front of me when I got the call...then dave, of course.
6. Did you want to find out the sex? No, but I knew it was a boy. We didn't get to find out in those days like you do now.
7. Due Date? Jan 20, 1988
8. Did you deliver early or late? 2 days late
9. Did you have morning sickness? Not with Zach
10. What did you crave? M&Ms. I would go to the dr each month, weigh, then go and buy a lb. bag of M&Ms and just enjoy, with a dr. pepper of course.
11. Who irritated you the most? I don't remember being to irritated with Zach.
12. What was your first child's sex? Boy
13. How many pounds did you gain throughout your pregnancy? 35
14. Did you have any complications during your pregnancy? HEMOROIDS!!!!!! Toward the end, the very top of my leg would cramp while in public, like at the store. Other than that, we were both healthy little puppies.
15. Where did you give birth? Memorial Hosp. NLR, no longer there.
16. How many hours were you in labor? 3 hrs. 58 minutes. At the hospital for 1 hr 58 minutes.
17. Who drove you to the hospital? Dave
18. Who watched? Dave and the nurses and the dr.
19. Was it natural or c-section? All natural
20. Did you take medicine to ease the pain? UMMM, wanted an epideral badly, walked into the hospital asking for one but there was no time for anything, so he was all natural.
21. How much did your child weigh? 8-12, 22 1/2 inches
22. What did you name him/her? Zachary David James
23. How old is your first born today? 20 years, 9 months, 29 days, just a little baby! He is also 6'3" weighing in around 220!

Okay mommies, re-post this as My first baby and send it to all the other mommies plus the mommy who sent it to you.

Award

2008-11-25T11:52:00.003-06:00

I couldn't figure out how to get the award to this post, so please know you have been given an award!!!!

"This blog invests and believes the PROXIMITY - nearness in space, time and relationships! These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers!

Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."

I am supposed to give this to 8 bloggers.

Thank you Betty. I love your blog too. Keeper of the Skies. We have known each other for 15 years and I love you so much! I love how you have just taken off with your blogging. I so see where the creativity comes from in Megan and Tori!!!!

Whitney has the funnest pics of her sweet sweet family. She is just the funnest person and always just happy. eoffadventures

Becky is a godly, intelligent woman that loves people and God and inspires me to persue God more. Her blogs are always challenging spiritually and honest and real. weepyseeds.

That is it for me.
beth

My BABY is ENGAGED!!!!

2008-11-22T09:33:00.011-06:00

Once again I say, how do our children grow up so fast!

Week before last I get a phone call from Micthell (Kristyn's boyfriend) and he ask me to lunch when they came home that weekend. I immediately said no (i was kidding of course) because I knew what he wanted. He called Kristyn's dad and asked him to go at the same time.

Saturday, November15, we met at The Olive Garden in North Little Rock for lunch. He was so cute, you could tell he was nervous, stretched a few times, chit chatted about nothing, then he did it. He said, "well you all know why were here, well Ms. Beth you knew when I called you, I would like to ask your permission to marry your daughter?" He and I were making eye contact and he had tears in his eyes. So sweet.

We talked for a while, I had things I wanted him to know that were important to me for him and Kristyn as they became a family. Her dad talked to him as well. Oh, I asked him if he had the ring and he said yeh right here and he showed it to me. The minute I saw that ring, I just started crying and it was so hard to get control again. It just like hit me that this child of mine was going to marry this young man sitting across from me. I had all these things to say to him and I had to try to do it while crying the entire time. Of course by the end I gave him my blessing.

From the time he called to ask me to lunch, I have just cried so much. I'm not upset, just I don't know in shock, like Steve Martin in Father of the Bride. I watched the CMA's and when he sang "Your gonna miss this", I just boo hooed! I've heard that song a million times but that night, whew, it was rough.

Move ahead to yesterday, Friday, November 21st. I knew it was going to be this night and Kristyn was clueless. I woke up at 5:30 yesterday morning and could not go back to sleep. I knew she was going over to his apt. for dinner at around 5:30 p.m. So, I just kept waiting for the call. She finally called, she was real quiet at first, in shock I do believe. I said "well what did you get for your birthday?" and she just made a little laugh.She was coming home this morning for her birthday but Mitchell wasn't coming because he has to work Sunday. Well they both got in the car and headed home last night. Isn't that sweet. He proposed in a sweet romantic way and she said she started crying and couldn't stop.

The ring, its beautiful. Its a solitaire on a small band. I cannot remember right now the cut, its something new. Its kind of a rectangle. It looks perfect on her little hand. As they were driving home, it started sinking in and she started getting really excited and they spent the drive home calling the important people in their lives. Just so sweet!

You know that someday these things will happen but its kind of like watching this happen to someone else. Because the entire time, I'm thinking she is just a baby, how can we be here, at this place, at this time. I've prayed for her husband all her life, just didn't know it would come so fast.

The plan right now is spring of '09. I would love for her to have at least 2 years of school behind her. For those of you that don't know, they have been dating for 3.5 years. Mitchell just completed the Springdale, AR police academy and is now a policeman in Springdale.

The one thing I can say for the boy, he loves my daughter. I can see it in his eyes and the way he treats her and takes care of her and allows her to be herself. For this, I am thankful!

I look forward to all of the excitement and the planning and watching them in their lives together. Honestly though, I cannot imagine the day of seeing her walk down that isle in that wedding dress with all of their loved ones there watching them commit their lives to God and to one another. I know for sure there will be lots of kleenex because his family will cry as much as me! Memories are being made by the moment!

Thank you Lord that you have blessed me with such wonderful children...truly, I am thankful!

Happy Birthday Kristyn!

2008-11-20T15:30:00.011-06:00

The month was November and the year 1989. Although not planned, we were about to deliver a wonderful baby girl. A gift from the Lord. I believe it was yesterday that I was largely pregnant with child, not knowing it was a girl. Where does the time go?

Things that began with her that have become and I guess have always been a part of her personality:

She was a week late...is always pushing the button to be anywhere on time. We have gotten into more arguments over her being ready on time. She doesn't mind having us "wait on a woman".

Social...every time I was nursing her and she heard anything, off the breast she went so she could see what was going on. Of course, she didn't really mind what perdicament she left me in!

Didn't like to sleep...oh to get that child to take a nap...at daycare they finally made an agreement with her, you don't have to sleep but you have to lay here. So, she did, for the most part! To this day, she goes and goes and goes and then one day she will crash and burn.

Stole my heart...the moment she was born I knew the Lord had blessed me and was trusting me with this wonderful child. I had never wanted a girl because of the relationship I had with my mother. I now know that God gave me Kristyn to prove to me that all relationships don't have to be like the one I had with my mother. What a blessing she has been. My heart swells with love for this child...we have laughed more together than I guess I've laughed with anyone. Conversations about everything from dolls to bikes to playing sports to boys to girlfriends to speechs to dresses to sex to her future and everything in between.

Life now is a little different. She is in her first year of college, no longer a child. She has so many goals and is working hard to achieve those goals. I have to tell her sometime, slow down, enjoy where you are just a little.

I look forward to having an adult relationship with her and hopefully the Lord will give us many years to laugh together, cook together, shop together, watch movies together and have great conversation together.

My birthday prayer for my sweet girl would be that she fall so in love with Jesus and that He would always be the center of her life. I've learned that is the only way to live and to live free and in peace.

So, this Sunday, November 23rd, we celebrate her life of 19 years. Thank You Father that you trusted me with your child and allowed her to be my child on this earth. What a priviledge and an honor. I wouldn't change a hair on her sweet head. I love you Cissy aka Kristyn aka Louise aka Kristyn Anne!!!!

2008-10-25T21:24:00.002-05:00

It was absolutely beautiful out this morning. I decided to go for a walk. When I went outside I was greeted not only by my cat Sophie but by 3 cows standing in the field. They live behind me but they think the grass is greener over here and so every day they bop right on over. They have gotten so comfortable that today one of them was laying down in my field. Then, they see me and get this look on their face of pure fear, they freeze and watch me to see what I will do. Usually, I just look at them and go on but every once in a while my devilish side comes out and I start talking to them. OMG, they take off like a scared cat. Cracks me up, I always tell them they need to go home. Can't you just see the neighbors watching me talk to the cows and wondering why I'm not locked up somewhere.

Ok, so back to the walk. The temperature was perfect, the sky absolutely beautiful blue and the trees starting to turn. I love this time of year. Our neighbors have a lab that is just precious but they have an invisible fence so she cannot get out of their property. I would say yard but they have like 20 acres of land, a little big for a yard! She runs up to where I'm walking and we have a nice little conversation as she walks along beside me, me on the road and her in her domain. It was really kind of nice to have someone to talk too. Sad, I know, I like to talk to the animals.

I'm going thru some pretty tough stuff right now in my life and so as I was walking, I was just talking to the Lord and asking Him what do You want me to do, where do you want me, I just don't understand. All I know is that I am in the desert and please don't leave me here for 40 years, I'll be 87!!! Seriously! Then this still voice came in my head "just seek me and you will find me". I haven't heard that voice in a long time. It has continued to go thru my mind all day and evening. Where do you want me to seek You, how do You want me to seek You. I'm willing, honest I am, I'm just in this desert and I am parched like I've never been parched before. I need water, the living water.

Psalm 23 used to get on my nerves, sorry Lord, because it was read at my dad's funeral and that is not what he wanted read. He told me what to have read and I got overruled. So, I had a thing about this Psalm for years. But, the Lord has changed my heart to this Psalm and now I think on it and just feel myself there.

The Lord is MY Sherperd, I shall NOT be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters, (This is my favorite part, the peace that comes over me when I think of lying in green pastures right next to the quiet waters and I just know there are huge 100 year old trees and I'm lying on a big ol comfy quilt.)
He restores my soul. (This is what I long for, my soul to be restored)
He guides me in paths of righteousness, for His name sake.

Even though I walk thru the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for YOUR rod and YOUR staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies,
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I WILL dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Its like He does the first part to prepare us for the second part. The valley of the shadow of death, that table in the presence of my enemies (the thoughts that come to mind on this one!) But with each step, He takes care us, His rod and staff comfort me. He anoints my head with oil after having to be at that table with my enemies. That is just the way He is. He doesn't promise happy happy happy but He does promise to be there.

Like that old cow laying in the field, I want to lay in the green pastures and drink of the living water so I can get past this parchment in the desert.

So, I would say the walk was good. I'm glad I went, maybe I will go for another tomorrow. Who knows who or what I might get to talk too!

I have done it!!!!

2008-10-25T00:25:00.003-05:00

I finally figured this blog thing out!!!! I am so excited. The only problem is I lost some of you. So, please if you look at my blog and you don't see your name on my site, comment it to me. There are a couple of you I know I lost, HB and WE!!!!

Looking forward to posting more now that I have a nicer blog!
Good night! (I've been doing this for over 2 hours!!!!)

Mitchells Graduation

2008-10-18T00:58:00.002-05:00

October 17, 2008 now has a new meaning as well. Mitchell, Kristyn's boyfriend of 3.5 years graduated from the Springdale Police Academy today. He is now officially Officer Regnas. He has been in training for 12 weeks. I'm just so proud of him and the way he has persevered and kept his mind on the goal of today.

During his training, besides all of the physical training, he also had to be tazered and have mace sprayed in his face. They did the shooting range, driving course and there was a lot of academic work.

The graduation ceremony was so nice. Both sets of his grandparents, his aunts, uncle, cousins, parents, brother, me, zach, susanna and kristyn were all there. He was dressed in the dress police uniform. They gave awards for the top 3 in the class for certain things. Mitchell came in 2nd place for shooting. After the ceremony the "class" had to go out and take down the flag. It was so beautiful. They fell into formation in front of the flag and saluted the flag and then 3 of the guys took the flag down. It was just a pretty picture of our Amerian flag and those new police officers standing there in formation that just touched my heart.

Afterwards all 17 of us went to Olive Garden and had lunch and then this evening we gathered in the lobby of the hotel and had cake and ice cream and Mitchell received gifts for his graduation.

We are all so proud of you Mitch. Job well done and I pray the Lords hand would be upon you as you begin protecting the town of Springdale, Arkansas. Godspeed.

Robin Wooten

2008-10-18T00:27:00.002-05:00

October 17, 1960 my friend Robin Mary Wooten was born in Smyrna, Georgia. She was a beautiful girl, long brown hair, the flattest stomach ever and the sweetest personality. She had an older sister, Penny, who had already moved out of the house. So, Robin was kind of like an only child.

We met at Legend Heights Baptist Church when I was in the 6th grade and became instant friends. We were inseparable for 3.5 years. We practically lived together. Our parents let us spend the night together even during the week. I called her parents Moma and Daddy Wooten. She called mine Moma and Daddy.

We were friends thru those years of going from girls to teenagers. So many questions and thoughts that we shared together. We went skating every weekend and we would usually get ready at her house. It would take us hours to get ready. We wore blue eyeshadow, blue or green finger nail polish. We sat in her living room putting on our makeup while talking to her mom. We asked her mom some of the craziest things and she would just laugh with us and talk to us. I remember one time we asked how to kiss!!! Her parents were older as well, which made it all even more interesting. We listened to 8 track tapes, Bachman Turner Overdrive! How funny!

Every Sunday morning when we were at her house her mom would fix us fried bacon and grits and orange juice. I don't know why but for some reason that food tasted so good at her house. It was just the best.

I remember when Robin would get a phone call she would climb under their kitchen table to talk, especially if it was a boy!

We moved from Smyrna, Georgia on March 6, 1976. I was a freshman in high school. Robin came to visit us one time after we moved to West Virginia. We continued to keep in touch though.

On November 24, 1977, Thanksgiving night we got a phone call. I was on crutches because I had been doing a cheer jump and landed wrong and broke my toe. Anyway, we got a phone call that Robin and her boyfriend Randy had been in a car wreck and they both had died. She was 17 years old. I was devastated!

My mom, brother and I went to Georgia for the funeral. Her family had me sit with the family at the funeral. They buried Robin and Randy next to each other. They were planning to marry. After the funeral Moma Wooten had me and another friend go back to their house and go thru some of Robins things. She wanted us to have some of her things. I think about that now and I do not know how she did that so closely after the funeral. I guess because she knew I had to leave and she wanted me to have a part of Robin.

Today, October 17, 2008 Robin would have been 48 years old. There is not a year that has gone by in the last 31 years that I have not thought of Robin on her birthday and the anniversary of her death.

I have looked for her sister for years and years during this time of the year. I have never been able to find her until this year. I finally finally found her and got her phone number and called her on my way to Fayetteville to see my kids. We just had the best time sharing memories. She told me it was nice having someone to talk to that remembered Robin. Both of their parents are gone now and so no one that Penny is with knew Robin.

I told Penny I've just always wanted her to know that I think of her each year and I think of Robin each year and will never ever forget her. I've learned over the years that its important to people that their loved ones are not forgotten.

Interesting fact: Robin died on Thanksgiving night and Kristyn, my daughter was born on Thanksgiving night. Robin died November 24 and Kristyn was born November 23. Robin had green eyes and Kristyn has green eyes. I've just always found this little tidbit interesting.

So, Happy Birthday my childhood friend. You were my first best friend and I will never forget you. I'm thankful God allowed us to have the time we had together. Sweet memories of days gone by.

beth

Pumpkin Latte

2008-10-09T11:28:00.002-05:00

Wow, its been almost a month since my last post. I don't know why except my computer at home will not get on the internet. I'm calling the Geek Squad right now. OMG just talked to Geek Squad and it will be 170.00 for them to look at my computer!!! Am I crazy or is that crazy!

I LOVE this time of year because I can go to Starbucks and get a Nonfat Pumpkin Latte. I love love love pumpkin. I'm drinking one right now and its just so homey, cosey and yummy!!!!

Happy Fall to everyone!

MEME

2008-09-17T12:35:00.003-05:00

I've been tagged to do a meme, so here goes!
1. Where were you 10 years ago?
We were living at 241 Briarpatch Lane, doesn't that have a lovely ring to it! Zach was 10 and Kristyn was 9. I LOVED living at this place, its where my kids did most of their growing up years. It was one of those neighborhoods where everyone knew everyone, the kids went outside and road bikes, played football in the yards, played the night time flashlight games etc. We had the most wonderful next door neighbor named Mrs. Kathy, she help to take care of all of our kids and anything else we needed. She is one of the kindest people I have ever known. It is just that place when I think of it, I feel warm inside. I miss those days and that place.

2. What is on Today To Do List?
Well, I've already had my nails done. Picked up Kristyn's yearbook from last year, yes they just got them in! I know, crazy! Now, I'm working for a while, then going home and crocheting, maybe a little reading! It is an exciting life! Of course the best part is when Z & K call their ma!

3. What would you do if you became a billionare?
I have no idea! Money isn't everything I have learned.

4. Name 5 places you have lived?
Miami, Florida
Smyrna, Georgia
Charleston, West Virginia
Tulsa, Oklahoma
North Little Rock, Arkansas

5. Name 3 bad habits you have.
Food
Over analyzing
Messing with my nails!

6. What are your favorite snacks?
I love Movie Theatre popcorn too, with butter in the middle and on top.
cereal
sherbert or ice cream

7. Who will you tag for this meme?
Everyone that reads this blog, tag your it!!!!

Do You Know Who You Are

2008-09-12T12:40:00.000-05:00

Do you ever read other blogs, facebook, myspace. email, whatever the case may be and wonder "Who Am I Really"? Do all of these people really know who they are as well as they present themselves to be?

I want to know who I really am...what do I really like to do...what do I really enjoy reading...what do I want to be doing in ten years...what kind of people do I really enjoy being around...what do I really want to look like and what kind of clothes do I really want to wear? What plan does God have for me on this earth?

How much of what I do is to please someone else? How much of what I do, I do because I've always done it that way. How much of what I do, I do because that is what I want. How much of what I do, I do to Glorify Christ and to please Him and be in relationship with Him?

Just a little food for thought!

Tribute to my Dad

2008-09-09T13:37:00.006-05:00

September 9, 1938 was the day my dad was born and July 6, 1985 was the day he left this earth to go to Glory. They say its what happens in the middle of those two dates that counts. Since today would have been my dads 70th birthday I thought I would write some things about the life between the dates.

He was a hansome man...dark brown hair, green "cat eyes", beautiful hands.

He loved the Lord. He got up every morning of the life I knew of him and spent time with the Lord. His cup of coffee, his bible and until a year before his death, a cigarette! So, no he wasn't perfect!

He was a preacher. What we refer to these days as bi-vocational, meaning he didn't have a degree of any kind but was called to preach and he loved being a preacher.

He was a great listener.

He loved popcorn and coke.

He was a pack rat...stacks of papers everywhere.

He looked mean but didn't have a mean bone in his body. This caused people to be afraid of him until they got to know him.

He loved to laugh and cut-up.

He was an Elvis Presley fan. He went to several of his concerts. He would put his music on at home and we would all dance. I know can you believe we old baptist were dancing in our home!

He loved to sing. He had a base voice and his favorite solo to sing was "How Great Thou Art".

He always brought me prizes when I was sick.

He worked in a cemetary, keeper of the grounds. He always told me that when Jesus came back he wanted to be standing in the middle of the cemetary and see all the graves open.

He always talked about going to heaven and wanting to be in heaven. Makes me think that maybe he knew he wouldn't live to be an old man. He was 46 when he died.

He loved animals. We always had dogs while I was growing up. He also took care of wounded geese that were at the cemetary.

He was a gentle soul.

I have now lived longer on this earth without him than with him. That is a very strange feeling. Its been 23 years since his death and still on these anniversary dates I am jarred in the depths of my soul. In some ways its so hard to think I've been without him for so long. He was the one person in my family that I connected too and felt loved by.

I think the hardest and saddest part of him not being on this earth is that my children did not get to know him. He was gone before they were even born. He loved sports and loved coaching baseball and basketball and so I know he and my kids would have related so well. I know he would have been at their games, whatever they were playing. I know he would have been in relationship with his grandchildren.

I know without a doubt that he is in heaven and that is the legacy he left me. That no matter what he was going thru he loved his God and trusted Him. Even at times that I would probably have given up. I don't remember talking to him about how he became so passionate about Christ, that passion was just a part of who he was. There are a lot of things that I would like to know about him, our family, why things were they way they were. Alot of unanswered questions that are to remain unanswered. And when we are in heaven, I won't care anymore.

After going thru many issues in my life I have realized that he was not perfect and that he had his own issues. But, here is what I know, he loved me and he loved God more than anything. I'll take that legacy, its been a huge influence on my life. When I die, if my children know that I loved them unconditionally, I loved my Savior and that I'm in heaven, I will have left a legacy.

Happy Birthday Daddy!

I Need Help

2008-09-04T16:01:00.003-05:00

Ok, everyone has these precious blogs and I cannot figure it out. What do I do, where do I go. I've tried copying and pasting in my "gadget" but there is no where to paste the daggum thing. Where do you get the pretty designs? How do you search for other blogs?
Please help this illiterate blog person!

God Love The Puppy

2008-09-04T10:38:00.005-05:00

Our Little Jon died Monday, Labor Day after 14 years of taking care of and protecting (or so he thought) our family. He had heart problems. When I got up Monday morning I knew something was wrong by his actions (you know they have their routines they follow everyday) and it took him until 6:20 Monday night before he died. He was in his little bed and I was sitting in the recliner beside him crocheting just waiting and watching. It was heart wrenching.

Z was at school. K was home but left and got back to Fayetteville before he died. It was so sweet because she told him bye. Fortunatelly, D had come over that day to grill for K and so he was there and stayed until he died. We buried him out in the field of our property.

It is quite amazing how we get so attached to these little creatures. I walk into my big ol lonely house everyday and there is no Little Jon to greet me, no one for me to take out and no one to feed. I didn't realize how nice it was just to know I could look over and see him laying there.

He was a strange little bird. He would never wear a collar in his life. He would just lay down on the floor and not move! He hated going anywhere, can you imagine being at home 24/7 and not minding? That was him, of course, that was probably part our fault because he was usually going to the vet if he was in the car.

Other people - he has bit he share of people over the years. Some brave soul will decide they are going to try to pick him up or touch him from behind or approach him while he is in his bed and before you know it, they have been bit. I try to warn everyone that he is contankerous but no one believes me until they have tried for themselves. This excludes the family of course, he would let us do anything. If someone came to the house he would bark and act like he was going to eat them alive and five minutes later he would be rolling his ball to them, wanting them to play. He liked for us to throw the ball, he went and got it and then rolled it back to you with his nose. Sometimes though when we go to get the ball, he grabs it away. Other times he would take his ball and wrap it up in his blanket and bite at it and play. I would always wonder what was going on in his little mind while doing this.

I've always said he had "little man syndrome". He thought he was so tough until retaliation came and then he ducked his tail and headed home.

For those of you that aren't animal people, I know you think this is crazy. For those of you who are, you know why I'm posting this. Its good therapy!

I miss you Little Jon...you were truly a part of the family!

I'm Still Here!!!!

2008-08-29T09:59:00.005-05:00

I know its been a long time since I've blogged. My internet at home is not working for some reason and I cannot figure it out. The kids laptops worked but the regular computer will not work. I know I know I'm working on getting it fixed. Computers are very frustrating to me since I don't know much about them. Any ideas, I'm listening (as Frasier would say).

Both of my kids are now in Fayetteville going to college. Seriously, this has to be on my top 5 list of "hardest things I've had to do" list. I've cried a river of tears! I mean my identity for the last 21 years has been that of Moma! I'm thinking I need to write a book about this so that other people can be prepared for whats coming when their child goes to college or moves out or whatever causes you to have empty nest symdrome! Granted I am one of those moms that loves having her kids around and loves teenagers and have been blessed to have great relationships with my kids.

Now I'm faced with the question "What am I going to do with my life now?" Pretty scarey question I must say. Of course I'm still their Ma aka Moma aka Beth but I've got a lot of time on my hands these days. On one hand its quite depressing wandering what I'm going to do and on the other hand its quite exciting wandering what God is going to do with this ol girl now.

Just from reading this entry I can see three things I can and want and need to do. Scrapbook and I have two books I want to write...one about kids growing up and one about being a birthmom. Actually, three books. I've always wanted to write a book about my life, either in real form or as a novel. Something to ponder.

Its great being back and I'll try not to be to depressing in my entries! Thanks Betty for giving me a blog award, I'm so excited!

Ms. Ann

2008-07-16T22:53:00.002-05:00

I have been visiting a new church and tonight I went to a small group. At then end of the class the leader was talking about a book called "only 30 days to live", a book about what would you do if you knew you only had 30 days to live. Would anyone remember anything about you in 10 years? What kind of a mark have you left?

I thought about my friend Ms. Ann while the leader was talking about this. Ann died about a year and a half ago. She had battled cancer for quite some time. I loved this woman. I had the honor of giving the eulogy at her funeral. What I talked about the most was that she was a woman of prayer. I know that in 10 years I will still remember her being a praying woman.

She prayed for people she worked with for years. She was so burdened about their relationship with Christ. She also prayed for her son to come back to the Lord and she was blessed to see this happen before she died.

I remember the day we all gathered together in her early stages of cancer and we prayed for her healing. The most precious moment of that prayer gathering was when her son came up and knelt beside her and prayed for her. The Lord allowed us to have her for quite a while but then He decided to take her home and I think she was ready. Her earthly body was worn out.

My life was blessed and changed because God allowed me to know Ann. He allowed me a few special moments with her during her last days (of which we did not know was coming). She told me things that I now know God was having her tell me because He knew I would give her eulogy. What an honor.

I love you Ms. Ann and I miss you so much. I would love to be able to come over, give you a big hug and sit and chat in your cute and comfy living room. But for now, I'll remember you and I'll be seeing you when I get there!

Update on "the boy is coming home for a day"

2008-07-16T22:04:00.002-05:00

Just a quick update. Zach made it home safely and back to camp safely. They played softball from 12 to 12. Yes, I do mean noon to midnight! Yes, I was there the entire time, couldn't hardly move the next day. But, it was so worth it!

It was the State church league tourny. The guys came in 3rd place. I think they played a total of six or seven games. Zach hit one over the fence, right under the score board which was center field. Yes, it was beautiful! I LOVE watching him and Kristyn play sports, just warms my heart.

I had one HUGE blessing while he was here, he probably wouldn't want me to tell this one BUT I just have too. He got home Friday night, walked in and said "well mama i think i'll just sleep with you tonight." Oh my gosh, I felt like I had been given this huge gift. You know, neither one of the kids will ever sleep with me anymore, they are all grown and want their own space. I was thrilled. So, its me then Little Jon (our dashhound of 13 years) and then my Zachy. We just laid there and talked about his work until we both fell asleep. This was such a blessing, you just don't know. He gave me such a gift and it didn't cost a penny.

I was so worried about him and Mitchell (Kristyn's boyfriend that lives in Fayetteville) driving back at 1 in the morning. So, I almost hesitated in doing this but I didn't and I'm so glad I didn't hesitate. I got the four of us and I prayed for the boys and for their car on the trip. It was a sweet moment. The Lord was so faithful in getting them there safely.

Zach had to be at work at 8 that morning. So, he slept and Mitchell drove. Thank you Father for taking care of "our" children!

It was a good day!

The boy is coming home for a day

2008-07-11T10:52:00.004-05:00

Isn't it funny when someone we love is coming home, we get so excited and want everything to be just right. Zach is working at Camp War Eagle this summer as a counselor. His group of boys are 10 years old. He gets to call home maybe once a week because they are not allowed to have cell phones in the camp. They have to be left in his car. This I have found to be a little difficult. When he is in college, he calls me everyday. So, going a week without talking to him is quite an adjustment. I'm sure I'm being prepared for life after college!!!!!

After reading over my post, I just can't let this go. I'm thinking about how sad it is when I don't get to talk to my kids everyday. I worry if they are ok, are they happy, are they doing what they know is right to do etc. How happy I am when I see "Zach" or "Cissy" come up on my cell phone. Ok, so if I feel this way, how does my heavenly Father feel when I don't talk to him everyday and I don't go to Him with my life issues. How excited does He get when He sees my name show up on His big cell phone :)...The bible tells me he loves me more than I could ever love my kids...I cannot fathom that kind of love but I know its true and it makes me want to be sure to check in with Him everyday. To be sure to do what He has taught me to do. Ok, now back to the original story.

Well, he is coming home LATE tonight to be play in a softball tourny tomorrow and then back tomorrow night. I just want everything to be nice for him when he comes home. Trying to think of something yummy to have cooked for him etc.

I got to talk with him yesterday and he was telling me about his campers. He said he has three that are on him all the time...isn't that just sweet. He said it was nice to be able to have adult conversation last night (this means fellow college students :)) instead of someone saying they have a stomach ache, another doesn't feel good and someone can't find their socks. Someone constantly wants to sit on his lap and he is in a constant state of sweat. This make me chuckle because it sounds like the Lord is preparing him for daddyhood and who knows what else.

What I would give to be able to be at this camp for a day and just watch him do what he does. You know we raise these children, do the best we can with a lot of prayer and a lot of help from the Lord, right? Then, well then they grow up and go do things that we thought we help prepare them for, only we don't get see it happening, we just get to hear about it. Doesn't seem quite fair to me. I want to see them in action.

He said he has been told by two of the higher ups at camp that he does really well with kids. I was hoping for this because I just feel like God will use him in this area. We'll see.

Can't wait to see him tonight and get one of those famous hugs...he gives the best!!!!

Eating Wrong vs Right

2008-07-10T19:46:00.002-05:00

I pose a question?

For those of you who have made the transition from "bad" food to "good" food, how have you done it?

I know there are recipes galore out there. A lot of them have ingredients I have never heard of but I think I'm willing to try. But, how do you start, how to you get yourself to WANT these healthy foods instead of the yummy's. You know biscuits/gravy, mac cheese, chocolate, ice cream, mashed potatoes etc. Yes, I love starches, how do you get off of these lovely things. They are my comfort food.

Seriously, I would love to hear any advice on how to make the great transition and still enjoy eating.

I'll be waiting to hear!!!!!!

Update

2008-07-10T19:34:00.002-05:00

Just thought I would do an update to last nights shopping. Their room is going to be done in black, white and fuscia pink with a touch of razorback! They bought sheer black curtains for their closets. Pink stools that stores items. Pillows, etc.

The excitement is growing with the realization that soon they will be off to COLLEGE! It really is fun to watch K get ready for this new step in her journey of life.

In five weeks both of my kids will be in college and I'll be thankful to get phone calls.

It's beginning

2008-07-09T21:36:00.002-05:00

Well, I'm sitting here tonight getting reports from time to time from the new freshman in college in my house. She and her roommate are making their rounds at the stores buying DORM items. No, I wasn't invited to go, can you believe they wouldn't want me there. HA!! I sit and wait in this very quite house to hear from the next stop and what they have purchased this time.

Everything that she has been given or we have bought is laid out so pretty in the guest room. I cannot hardly think about loading it all up and taking it to a place called Fayetteville and dropping it off in some room my baby will call home. What is up with that and how can it be the normal process? I don't even pretend to think i will not cry my eyes out.

She realized today that she has like 5 weeks left to get ready. Last night her and Tate, her dorm mate, sat at the table and made their list and looked on the computer at all kinds of things. I remember when they sat at the house talking about boys and doing cheer jumps and cheers and volleyball moves and making pyramids on Zach and taking pictures of themselves over and over and over. They couldn't wait to be in 8th grade, be kissed, go to high school, make cheer squad, make volleyball, make softball. Oh, would they be on Homecoming court. On and on it went and I loved watching them grow. I just didn't know it would be this fast and they are both almost 19.

I have a picture of these two and their friend Tori playing make-up and dress-up together. So young and cute and now all three are going off to college. Lord, would you bless their lives with Yourself, draw them each to You. How I pray that they will glorify you in what they do with their lives and that they will have real relationship with You. Protect them from the evil one, please surround them with your angels. I know they will have to go threw hard times and sad times (they have already endured several of these) and that you never said that life would be easy. But, I pray they will learn quickly and lean on You for their lives. Thank you in advance for loving them. May they all always have peace like a river!

I love you all three!

Cheerleader...

2008-06-30T21:23:00.002-05:00

This might be a tad bit passionate...so beware.

Ok, seems like every time I read something lately, it is negative toward cheerleaders. Blogs, emails, books etc. They do not seem to have a positive side ever. Well I must finally tell my side of this story.

I was never a cheerleader....we didn't live anywhere long enough for me to even become a cheerleader. I hated jocks (how funny is that, since Z & K are both athletes)! I had my idea of a cheerleader, probably much like the things I have read about lately. I was never in the "in crowd", in fact the school I went to for the last half of my senior year, I knew NO ONE, literally. Ok, enough about me. I just wanted you to know, I really do know both sides of this story.

For you see, I have a cheerleader that lives in my house and here is what I now KNOW about cheerleaders. Maybe not all of them, but let me tell you about this one.

During her days as a cheerleader she...
worked so hard...practicing routines, jumps, cheers. This is not just something that happens. These girls are athletes that work their butts off to look good in front of the crowd each week.

She competed as a cheerleader...winning a national competition. She was a base and got beat up all the time by girls falling on her. Again a lot of work.

She dealt with more drama than she ever wants to deal with for the rest of her life.

Even though she was a cheerleader...she loved everyone not just the "in crowd". In fact, she spent a lot of time alone...being herself dissed by some of the "in crowd" because she wouldn't be what they wanted her to be.

At graduation, there was a young man in a wheelchair. After receiving his diploma and wheeling past where my cheerleader sat, he stopped and she got up and hugged him. Later telling me that every time she saw him in school he wanted a hug. Now, how snobby is that.

She also sat next to a special needs young lady during graduation that needed help and my cheerleader helped her instead of snubbing her.

She stuck up for the under dog many times. She talked to everyone at school and worked hard at not being known as a snob.

She was accused of things she didn't do by some jealous teachers and students.

To be a cheerleader is not something that just happens...these girls work hard every year to make the squad. While everyone else is at the games doing things they shouldn't be doing or just sitting around, they are in front of the crowd cheering for their teams. And a lot of time, being talked about and critiqued about every move they made. Even by some of the teachers!!!!

My cheerleader, she worked her butt off all during school to keep her grades up, to play softball, to play volleyball, to cheer and to be a friend to those around her. There have been many times that she has been called on when "friends" have been in crisis and those same "friends" were no where to be found when she was in crisis.

So, as you think such ugly thoughts about a cheerleader, maybe you should take another look at the person instead of just the uniform. I know I had to come back and rethink what I thought when I was young.

I am privileged to call a cheerleader my daughter.

Zachy

2008-06-28T13:42:00.002-05:00

Its Saturday afternoon and the house is exceptionally quite today. Zach, my 20 year old 6'3" baby boy, left his morning to work at a Christian Athletic camp for the rest of the summer. He'll be home 2 days and leave for college again.

He woke me up this morning, yes he woke me up not me waking him up, got the rest of his stuff together, gave me a big hug (he gives the best hugs ever) and off he went. I noticed he never really looked me in the eye because I know he knew I was crying. I try not to but I just do. I stood there and watched him drive away crying the entire time. I got back in my bed and cried myself to sleep. I know, what a baby I am.

I remember every time I would leave my dad, he would cry and every time he left his mom, she would cry. I can still see both of them standing in their driveways crying as their loved ones drove away. Its like a part of your heart is leaving with them each and every time.

This morning I watched a young man drive away, taking with him the little boy that I raised. A part of parenting is allowing your child to leave the nest. To take flight. I think that is what I have been so sad over with Zach leaving this time. I know its going to be forever different. He is a man now and it will never be the same when he comes home. He has found his nitch at school and is really finding himself. Don't get me wrong, I am so excited for him and what he is doing and becoming and this is the way it is supposed to be. This is what we have raised them to be and do...to fly and become independent. My role now is to be on the sidelines, there when he wants or needs but not to be the kind of parent I've been for the last 20 years.

Its the strangest feeling because I am so happy for him and so sad for me all in the same breath. Its like every thing we have done as parents is for this moment and then when it comes we are heart sick over this huge shift in life.

I know he is going to be fine...I know I'm going to be fine and I know we will always be in relationship and for that I am thankful. We are just shifting and that is wonderful or it will be wonderful, after today.

You go Zachy, you be the man God has created you to be...live life to the fullest son. I'll always be here for you!
I love you!
ma

Friends

2008-06-21T23:24:00.004-05:00

It has been a while since I blogged. It's kind of strange, I have gotten on several times to blog, but it just wouldn't come together in my mind. I guess this blog is more for expressing myself thru writing instead of everyday life. I love reading the blogs of everyday life but this is more like therapy for me, I think.

FRIEND...A word that has been really on my mind the last couple of weeks. A time of really pondering what this means to me and how it works. I think because I have been in such need of my friendships and am humbled at the response and love my friends are showing me right now.

It is said that we have some friendships/relationships for a season and some for life. I believe this to be true.

I am in a season of life that I need (hard to admit). Normally, I like to be the one that is needed...I thrive on being needed (not always a good thing). I perform well in someone else's crisis and take care of well. I know God is going to bring healing to a part of me that is broken during this time. Its very difficult for me, I have learned, to be the one that needs to be taken care of and needs to be heard - a lot. Also, to be in a place where I cannot give very much, a place where I must learn to take care of myself.

What I know is...God has been ever so gracious to allow me to have several real friendships in my life. He knows that I do not have family (past my immediate family) and that I long for family and so He has given me family thru friends. Like family, its not always easy and perfect but any relationship worth having is not going to always be easy and perfect. Because we aren't easy and perfect beings...we are actually pretty messy.

One of the things I enjoy most about friendship, actually two things. Laughing...oh how I love to laugh with my friends, you know the kind of laughing that you really need to wear a diaper. Gut wrenching laughter. If you don't do this, you are missing out on so much, find someone to laugh with. And depth, how I love to ask questions and get to the core of a person. Get past the surface stuff and get down to the nitty gritty.

Friends don't have to be people you see everyday or even live in the same state (sometimes country). The distance is only in miles, our hearts are so close.

My daughter...a friendship that is blooming. It's like one of my african violet plants that has a bud that is just beginning to bloom after a long time of feeding, giving light, protecting and watching every day. A young flower that is beginning to bloom. You know you have to be a "MOM" and make sure you keep the boundaries for so many years. If you are to much a friend then you can't be the mom, which is the responsibility that God has given us as their moms. But, you also have to make sure that you are not such a mom that you drive them away and the friendship can never bloom. I am told the friendship comes as they become adults. I long for and look forward to a life long friendship with my daughter. Something I have never experienced and cannot imagine and pray God allows. When she calls to tell me about her day or shares her heart with me, I feel so honored. She is a gift, a small delicate bud that I've done my best to water, give Light too, protect and watch over everyday the best I knew how and now is blooming into a beautiful flower. This is being blessed.

Thank you friends...each and every one of you. There is a part of me that wants to list each one of you and what you mean to me but I have that part of me that fears I'll mess up somehow and so I am going to just say thank you. You mean the world to me and I know that I have been given more than I will ever deserve in friendships.

Loneliness

2008-06-07T23:25:00.003-05:00

I am posting this post after my trip. I didn't get a chance to finish it while I was gone. So, please understand the different time references.

Lonely...isn't it amazing how we can be somewhere, with people, being active and yet feel this overwhelming loneliness.

I feel this when I'm away from family. I think, I need to get away, do something, take care of myself. Then, when I go, I just want to be home with my family.

I am away from home tonight...talked to Kristyn...told her I missed being home. She said, WHY? I said I just like being where you guys are. She said, yeh, your routine...I said just being where you all are is what I like. She said, "well if you would have been home tonight, all you would have done was hear me come in and say goodnight"...I know but I guess that is all I need most times. Just to see their faces, hug them, know that we are close together. Thats what it is all about.

I have memories of being a little girl and going to spend the night with a friend. Then, the dread came, my stomach would hurt, my heart would ache and I would have to get home. I didn't know if everything would be ok if I weren't there. Would everything fall apart if I wasn't there to keep it going. A frantic feeling would come over me and I would just have to call my dad to come get me and let me be home in my bed. The best place ever! That is exactly how I felt sleeping away from for these recent nights, I just needed to be home with my babies. It was just like being that little girl again.

I am thankful I can still have peace in loneliness...it might be peace like a river but there is a peace. I know God loves me and wants the best for me and has a plan for me. The question, will I be still and listen and then will I obey...please Lord help me to do the right thing.

Thank You!

2008-06-05T19:44:00.008-05:00

I just had to share what happened when I got home today. Below is a little prayer I wrote from my last blog entry...

"Lord, it would be nice if You would just let me see mama bird flying in or
out and oh what a blessing it would be to catch a glimpse of those little
babies leaving the nest. Otherwise, I'll leave them to you and mama
bird."

Ok, so I was pulling up to my driveway and looking at the mailbox and low and behold this beautiful mama bird came flying out of the paperbox. She was greyish but had this beautiful blue color on her back, like the egg shells I saw in the beginning. I looked back as she was flying away and she was hovering flapping those wings, telling me to get lost. So, I gently got my mail and took a little peek and there they were, those precious babies. Mouths wide open, probably, thinking "lady you are interrupting our dinner."Thank you Lord for showing me that mama bird...I so desperately needed to see You today and what a wonderful way to show me that You are still in control and You still hear me! You are the vine and I am the branch, help me to remain in You. I read that scripture on some else's blog today and it just stuck with me. I've mulling it over since.
Just had share and I cannot figure out how to get my text to be flush to the left again. Oh well.

Mailbox Update/my baby bird

2008-06-05T11:35:00.003-05:00

As of yesterday, there are 4 or 5 little baby birds in our paper box. Their little heads rared back, little mouths WIDE open and not making a peep. I like to leave one paper in the box just to help protect them. Of course, now I'm concerned about mama bird, is she still around, is she feeding them, do I need to help them. What a personality trait of mine, always thinking I need to take care of everyone. God knows those little babies and He can handle them, I must let them go. Lord, it would be nice if You would just let me see mama bird flying in or out and oh what a blessing it would be to catch a glimpse of those little babies leaving the nest. Otherwise, I'll leave them to you and mama bird.

Speaking of leaving the nest, I have one that is definately on his way out. Zach is 20 and just growing up. I had two people comment about him after Kristyn's graduation lunch. They both said basically the same thing, Zach carried on a nice conversation, seemed so much more grown up and out going. They didn't feel like they had to pull conversation out of him. Love him, he does have some of his mama in him, the gift of conversation. Now, I didn't say the gift of gab but conversation. He still observes, takes things in, doesn't just talk to be talking. But when he talks, I need to listen, because he is going to say something meaningful. My man/child, he is making his way in this world, choosing who he wants to be and become.

It's so fun to watch but at the same time, brings HUGE tears to my eyes. I know someday soon he will leave and then some day after that he will leave and cleave and it will never be the same. I know it isn't supposed to be, but, oh how I miss him already. He gives the best hugs of anyone I know, just a big ol teddy bear.

He is going to work at a Christian Athletic camp from June 28 - August 9. Its called Camp War Eagle and he is going to be a counselor. Two guys will have 12 boys, ages he doesn't know yet, to be with for a week to two weeks at a time. I beleive God has put him here for this season. Zach wants to be a coach and this experience will help him know if that is really what he wants or not. Here is the kicker, he has already told me that he wants to move to school August 11th. Umm that is two days after he gets back from the camp. He wants to be at school for a couple of weeks before school starts. This is how I know he is leaving the nest, he is becoming more confident, less and less dependent, standing on his own two feet (as long as we keep feeding him the cash of course), and just about to step out of that nest and fly. Soar like an eagle son, if you are going to go out into this world, put your mark on it strongly, be everything God wants you to be! What an exciting life it can be if you choose what your Heavenly Father wants for you. Now, that excites me! I can sing like the mama bird sings if I know he is going to soar. I may be singing thru tears but I'll be singing for him!

I just had the smallest thought creep into my heart, have never thought this before but what if God is taking him to this place...to call him to Himself, to ministry. WOW, where did that come from :) ! Who knows...I could be completely off base. Just a thought. I mean God is always calling us to Himself, to Glorify Him in everything we do, wherever we are, no matter the circumstances. I just had this vision of Zach in a place sharing the Lord. Crazy!

Well, I've gone from itty bitty baby birds to my 6'3" man/child...interesting how God can use the smallest of things to take us to so many places.

The Mailbox

2008-06-03T23:59:00.002-05:00

Our mailbox is brick with the mailbox built in and underneath the box is an open space for the newspaper. A while back I noticed a birds nest in the back of the hole of the newspaper part of the mailbox.

I began to watch the nest, not seeing anything inside but not moving it in case there was. Sometimes I am bad about not getting the paper everyday (I really just like the Sunday paper but Zach likes the sports everyday) and then I became worried that if I didn't clean out those papers everyday the mama bird might not be able to get to her nest. Last week I noticed a very small light blue speckled egg that was cracked open laying at the edge of the mailbox. I thought omg there are babies in there or something has happened to them. A couple of days ago Zach got the paper for me and I asked him if he saw anything inside, he looked and said I see baby birds. I was so excited, I got out of the car and walked over and these two itty bitty baby birds were in that nest with their little heads rared back and their mouths wide open. They didn't make any sounds but those little mouths were open. I guess they thought we were mama coming in with some groceries. I have finally seen mama bird fly out of the mailbox.

Watching this event take place has just been a sweet moment in the midst of a lot of crazy moments. I thought, how smart of that mama bird to put her nest in that spot. It is high enough off the ground that an animal walking around couldn't reach it and so well hidden. No one would know it was there. She planned well for her babies.

The Lord says, "as much as I take care of the little things, how much more will I take care of you and love you". I needed that reminder that no matter what...God is going to take care of me. He never said it would be easy to follow Him, he never said everything would be perfect. In fact, the opposite is true, He says we will have trials and tribulations but He will never leave me nor forsake me. So, like the baby birds depending on mama bird to take care of them and to keep coming back to them, I'm depending on my Father to take care of me and feed me and protect me. He knows everything that is going on in my life and He promises He won't give us anything we cannot handle.

I'm trusting!

Confidence!

2008-06-02T02:02:00.002-05:00

A group of 5 of us went to dinner and a movie a couple of weeks ago. We got to the movie, got out of our vehicles and we are all trying to hurry, some practically running. I looked back and there is Kristyn just walking along, head held high with an aire of confidence.

I commented on how slow she was walking and one of the other girls said something about how we are always in a hurry and there she is taking her time.

Kristyn's response: (You must walk with confidence, don't appear to ever be in a hurry, have confidence in yourself, it will be ok)

Finally, I know why she always walks so slow and always takes the longest to get ready. She is confident and is not going to get in a hurry for anyone. :) I firmly believe she does this just to drive me crazy as well!!!!

Just thought it was a funny moment and I would share.
beth

Graduation

2008-06-02T01:08:00.002-05:00

I would like to start todays blog by saying that I don't want this particular entry to come across to bradadocious. I am very proud of Kristyn and just want to take this time to share how special I believe she is. So, please bare with me and feel free to tell me about your sweet babies.

Well, the day has come and gone. What a sweet, precious time with my 2008 graduate. The morning started pretty early. Graduation was at 9:30 and so we all left the house by 8:00. I wanted to be sure and get good seats.

Kristyn, being the senior class president, was the first person to speak. Before I tell you about the actual event, let me share the event leading up to the moment. I had the previledge of being the one that she practiced her speach on, well, me and Little Jon our dashound. He is 13 and getting a little blind and a little deaf. Kristyn put her high heels on that she would wear during graduation (to get used to them so she wouldn't fall off of them!) and she walked in front of me and LJ practicing. Little Jon would hear those heels clicking on the floor and he would bark while Kristyn spoke. It was so funny watching the two of them. We timed the speach and it was one minute twenty five seconds long. I would watch her practice and laugh and the next moment I would feel sobs coming up inside of me...tears welling up and I would just turn my head. I would try to speak and the word would just not come because of the emotions. I just watched thinking to myself, we are making a memory right at this moment, enjoy this beth enjoy this.

Ok, back to the actual event. The graduates walked in and the girl in front of Kristyn is what we call a CBI student. She has special needs. It was so sweet to watch Kristyn take care of this girl. Ok, so the speach. She walked up to the podium with such confidence and when she began to speak, it was loud and clear. She said good things in a small amount of time. She seemed to be a professional at speaking. I was elated!

During graduation Kristyn had to continually take care of her little friend. She told me later that the girl kept telling Kristyn that her hat was falling and needed Kristyn to fix it. There is also a boy that is in a wheelchair, after receiving his diploma and coming off stage, he wheeled by Kristyn and stopped for her to hug him. She said that everytime he sees her in school he wants a hug. Now, honestly there aren't many class presidents that would give others the time of day like she does.

She is the girl that I would look at when I was in school and want to be like. The one that I thought had tons of friends and everyone wanted to be her best friend. I've heard said many times over the years that the girls who were the most popular and achieved a lot were also very lonely. Now, I have raised the girl that has done so much, been so much and been so lonely.

Kristyn has...

been on homecoming court her 10th, 11th and 12th grade years.
won Homecoming Princess her senior year
played volleyball since 8th grade
played softball since 9th grade
been a cheerleader since 8th grade
Co-Captain of cheerleading her senior year
Senior Class President
been talked about badly by the people that were supposed to be her friends
kept her morals throughout her high school years
when everyone gets together and goes out (usually to party) never calls Kristyn
was accused of terristoric threat by a teacher in her 10th grade year and had to go to juvenille court,(the teacher was crazy and obviously hated kristyn and was jealous of her)
has had three speeding tickets since getting her license (this one causes me so much worry) and the words every time she leaves, "Kristyn don't speed". The last time I told her she couldn't go to UofA if she got another one...she has slowed down or at least hasn't got caught again

She has accomplished much and has been blaimed for much. I now understand the price you must pay to be in the top of the class. She has done it with style.

After graduation we had a luncheon at our house for her graduation. There were 43 people here to celebrate her. After everyone ate lunch we gathered in the living room for her to open her gifts. I had asked a couple of people to say something about Kristyn. I wanted her to be encouraged and uplifted and loved during her special day. People said the sweetest things to her and about her and the thread was weaved of her special talents and abilities as people spoke. It was so evident that God has His hand on this child and definately has a plan for her future, plans to prosper her and not to harm, plans to give her a hope and a future.

Then, she began to open her gifts...she just took her time opening each one, never getting in a hurry. finally, someone said, Kristyn you are so slow at opening gifts. Her comment..."I want to enjoy the moment and each gift." Now, me I would have been so worried about keeping everyone and worried about what they were thinking of me. But not Kristyn, she took this time that was meant for her and simply enjoyed!

I beamed for the priviledge of being her Mom. I feel so fortunate to get to know the Kristyn that is at home...the one that walks in her high heels practicing a speach...the one that left her high heels sitting on an end table when she left...the one that pretended she was in a pageant and walked back and forth waving to Little Jon while she was practicing. The one that got to hear the speach so many times, that I knew it by heart. The one that she calls after every thing she does every day. The one she calls "Beth" with such a little attitude but Moma when its serious or she really needs me. The one that leaves her chewed gum laying everywhere for me to pick up later.

I look forward to the days of becoming her friend and not having to parent as much. I look forward to being her confidant, the once she confides everything too.

I dread the day I take her to school and leave her there, knowing things will never be the same. But, I'm so excited for what the future holds for her...excited for fun times she will experience that I never had the opportunity too.

This summer...well she works parttime at Island Tan. Thursday morning after her senior breakfast, we met for lunch at Chili's in Jacksonville. By the time I left she had applied for a job of hostess and was interviewing. There were 6 other people that applied during this time. Kristyn got the job. She will be the hostess and then work To Go also. She starts at Pulaski Tech tomorrow (Monday) morning taking College Algebra so she doesn't have to take it in Fayetteville. She went in this morning for 2 hours of training...he had her stay for an entire shift. She worked from 8-3. So, there won't be any laying around being a bum for her...she is going strong.

Thank you for allowing me to share about this sweet child of mine. She is truly a blessing from God and I am humbled and thankful to be her earthly Moma Beth.

Thank you Kristyn for allowing me the joy of being your mom! You are the best, I could not ever ever have asked for a better daughter than you!

The Count Down

2008-05-27T00:32:00.002-05:00

Well, here it is, Sunday night before graduation on Saturday. Tonight I have been going thru pictures of this precious child of mine. She has grown from a precious baby, to a sassy sassy little girl, to a prissy/tomboy tweenager and now into this confident, caring, beautiful young woman.

I've been asked many times, how did you raise your kids. I always say and just let me say again, this is not trying to sound spiritual, this is just the cold hard facts...God raised these children and just allowed me the honor of being their mom. Oh and what an honor...what a blessed honor to be called "Moma", "Ma", "Beth".

Oh, yes, there have been times I would have liked to change my name to anything but the above and there have been times when I thought they would push me right over the edge. But, haven't I done the same to my Heavenly Father. Doesn't He ever think, this child of mine, what will I do with her. I have experienced lately the pulling away of both of my kids. The flight of their wings, which of course is so natural and right and good but oh I just had no idea how much it would hurt. So happy for them, but oh a pain in my heart that is so deep. Which makes me think of my Father...its never ever natural or the right time for me to pull away from Him and yet I have. I miss Him so much and I know each and every day that He is there, waiting for me to return fully. His word says that as much as I love my children, He loves me more. So, how it must hurt Him for me to pull away from Him. To not share my heart with Him. To be a rebellious child. As I return and feel Him drawing me to Himself...the safest place I have ever been in my life. Why would I leave such a place, I simply do not have an answer for this question. I am just so thankful that He never leaves me nor forsakes me...that He loves me. A love I have never experienced on this earth...a love I have longed for on this earth, just a part of what He has for me. For some reason He has not allowed me to feel even an inkling of that love...not yet.

I know I will always love my kids, no matter what...nothing can change the mothers love I have in my heart for these children. Nothing can change God from loving this incredibly messed up child of His, either. What a wonderful, wonderful thought.

So, I sit, I sit and wonder what is next for me. Where is God taking me, will I listen, will I be still and know Him. Will I sit before Him and allow Him to take my suffering and use it for His Glory. After all, isn't that why I'm here, for His Glory. If I can just keep my eyes on Him, I can face tomorrow.

May 15, 2008 First Day of Blogging

2008-05-14T08:56:00.000-05:00

Well, here goes nothing or maybe something. Thanks for stopping by for a visit. I will get my page set up cute/pretty something soon. I have used all of my time this morning getting to this point and now I must get ready.

I will be back here soon!
bether

My Baby Girl

2008-05-14T08:22:00.000-05:00

Ok, I'm suddenly wondering how it is you get thru your baby graduating. It was hard enough with Zach. As graduation draws nigh, I'm thinking OMG how am I going to do this. I've really been trying to be happy for Kristyn and not show my sadness so much but my heart hurts, literally. We have the athletic banquet tonight, prom friday, honor society banquet next tuesday, last day of school and senior breakfast, then graduation. And she keeps saying "I've got to write my speech for graduation" (Class president speaks), everytime she says that I think, you have got to be kidding me. She is to young to be doing all of this, isn't she? The announcements are mailed, cards already coming in and I just want to scream STOP THIS IS GOING TO FAST!!!!!!!! Let me just sit down and have my baby girl crawl up in my lap, I'll fix her some chocolate milk with her sippy lid and we'll just rock for a while. I'll play with her hair while she drinks that milk like its a bottle and then we'll just rock and talk. Of course, she is so busy, she doesn't have time to sit much less rock! I just don't know how to let this one go.

I look at this child/woman and am in awe of what God has givin me in this child. A mom so afraid of having a girl because I didn't think I could give her what she needed since it had never been given to me. Isn't i amazing how God always knows what He is doing! He knew I needed that girl to love and He has given her the ability to love me back and given us the ability to have a close relationship. Perfect, no, but great! She melts my heart almost everytime I watch her. I know I'm weird but I do, I'll watch both of my kids doing things and my heart just feels so full of love for them. I think every little thing on them is so cute, precious hands and precious feet, still! Does anyone else do that? I wait for her to come home anxiously, excited to see her everyday. Of course, there are times she comes in a cranky mood and I think "now why did I want her to come home"?

I must thank the Lord for allowing me to be Kristyn's mom (Zach's too but this is about her graduating). What a priviledge it has been to raise this baby into a woman. Now, I'm going to have to let go and let her fly and just be here when she needs me. I guess the One that allowed me to be her mom will also give me what it takes to get thru her growing up and moving away to college.

There are geese in our neighborhood. I've been watching two in particular, parents actually. They have four babies and I watch them protect their babies and teach their babies. The babies play but always right around mom and dad. They stay in the tall grass in the fields, I think that is for protection of their babies from scarey things in life. One day all 6 of them were crossing the road in front of me. It was so precious. One day those babies will grow up and be on their own and they will fly away from mom and dad. Hopefully, they'll come back for a visit every now and then.

So, I must let go and let God take over where I can't be there (I know He has been here the entire time but now He will have double duty). I'm sure He can handle it and I know better than I. But, I think I have to talk to him about letting these children become adults so early. I mean really, He doesn't give them to us for very long. Thank you Lord for blessing me with the children you have given me. I am humbled beyond words at your grace to me. I sure didn't deserve this.

Ok, I must move on today. I'm starting to get interruptions from family. I've gotten my tears out this morning so maybe I won't cry at the banquet tonight. Thanks for letting me share!