Hello World - 2011

2011

Fifty years ago this August 18th I was born into this world. God knew me before I was created, He knows how many hairs are on my head (even the grey ones I try to keep covered with color) and He knows how many days I have on this earth.

When I think of the days he has given me thus far, I think of how many have been wasted on absolutely nothing. I think of the most memorable days...some of the absolute best days and some of the absolute worst days. And more than either of those are the days I don't even remember!!!!

I can honestly say that I did not think I would be here, like this, in this place at this age. I thought I would be more of a grown up, act like a grown up, feel like a grown up. It just doesn't feel like I thought it would feel.

I'm at a new place in life. My children are grown, one graduates college in May and the other is married. My birth son will be 26 this year. Seriously. How do these things happen? They have lives of their own now and I am not defined by them any longer. How long has it been since I have been called "Zach's mom" or "Kristyn's mom". Quite some time actually. I think for the last year I have been in a kind of shock at the fact that my kids are grown and don't need me like they used too. It has been a huge adjustment for me but I think I'm finally coming out of the shock and realizing that this can be a good thing. I need to see this as the glass is half full not empty. Which brings me to this...

What will I do now. It's time to concentrate on what to do with the rest of the days the Lord has for me on this earth. To discover what He has for me, to discover who I am within myself and what do I really want out of this life. That is a lot of discovering.

In 2011 I hope to...(Mind you this is NOT a New Years Resolution, just some things I want to work on for the rest of MY LIFE)

Reconnect with God in a way I haven't in quite some time. I'm working at memorizing scripture this year...hard work for someone who can't remember yesterday at times. I know this will have to be intervention on His part for this to work :) I did memorize my first verse and am starting my second verse today. If you are interested in where I came up with this idea go to Beth Moore's website and look at the Siesta Scripture memorization part. Just google her!

Develop some new relationships and reignite some old relationships. I have been on some what of a sabbatical from relationships for a while. Because of things that have gone on in my life for the last few years, I just have not had the mental, physical or spiritual energy to do relationships very well. I miss that part of my life.

I know this is age old but I must become an adult when it comes to my health. You know those two ugly "E" words...Exercise and Eating right. Why can't I be one of you people that love to go for a run or work out and love to eat rabbit food everyday and not much of it at that!!!! How do I join this club and become a lifetime member...I have to find a way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just read over what I have written and see what I need. Someone that would like to be in relation with me, exercise with me and learn scripture with me and it could all be done at the same time. Hmmmm, interesting. Funny! I cannot even talk while exercising much less have conversation or quote scripture to someone out loud. It takes all I have to BREATHE!

I have crocheting to do and reading to do that have been on hold for a little while. I also have more movies to see this year. I so enjoy going to the movies and having popcorn with butter and I DON'T WANT TO GIVE UP MY POPCORN!!! I have my popcorn routine down to a fine art...and I really don't like for it to be bothered :)

I also hope to write more as I try to clean house with my mental and emotional self. Should make for some interesting writing.

Well old blog friend of mine, it's nice to catch up and maybe we will meet more often this year. It is my hope.

Hello Blog World...I have a new job!!!!

I cannot believe how long it has been since I have blogged. I think about writing all the time but I either don't have my computer (Zach has it had it lately) or I'm to tired!

I have a new job!!! I started working at Bethany Christian Services about 3 weeks ago. For those of you who do not know, it is a Christian Adoption Agency. We work with birth moms and adoptive parents and adoptees. Its called the adoption triad.

It's kind of interesting. I have a friend in Louisville, Kentucky and a friend in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Both have gone to work for ministries of different kinds. This truly intrigues me. So, I began to pray that God would allow me to work at a ministry. The next thing I know I get an email from Becky, director, telling me about a job she has available and giving a description of the job. It was what I had prayed for. Does make me smile! We emailed and the rest as they say is history. God is faithful, even when I cannot grasp His faithfulness!

I have volunteered with Bethany for about 22 years and even worked there for a short time many years ago. I love the job and the ministry, of course it is so close to my heart.

The hard part has been getting up so early every day and making that commute to Little Rock. It takes me almost an hour to get there! Crazy! Who knows what it will be like when school starts. I just get my coffee from McDonalds and drink it on the way and listen to the radio or pray or talk to friends. I do not text though, I promise. I can't see well enough to text!

I work Monday and Wednesdays 8:30 - 5:00 and Tuesday and Thursdays 8:30 - 12:30. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I go to my job at the church where I do their books. So between the two I'm working almost full time. It has been a long long time since I have worked this much. But, I think it is good for me (would be better if I could sleep better at night)and if/when I go to 30 hours a week at Bethany I will qualify for insurance. This is a huge comfort to me!

On a side note, we are having an open house this Sunday the 15th. I'm praying for a buyer!!!

Just wanted to check in and maybe get started back writing. Have a great day!

May

May 2010. How does time go so quickly...each year passing like Christmas morning. The world refuses to stand still for anyone but God alone. No matter the happy times, sad times, devastating times, the world continues to move on. People continue to move on. It is the right thing to happen but sometimes wouldn't it be nice if we could all just stop for a moment and breathe. Just take in what is around us, enjoy the ones we love, be rid of the anger or resentment that we might have in our hearts. Just be still and wander in God's Glory. Believe that He loves us, each one of us. More than we can fathom, if you are a Mom, can you imagine He loves us more than we love our own children. Here is the kicker, He wants us to love Him more than we love our own children. Can I do this? It is my desire. It is my desire to put Him first.
It has been a long long time since I have felt this way. I feel like I have been walking in the dessert for the past 2.5 to 6 years. I cannot imagine 40 years. I latch on and am ready to be in a daily walk and something happens and I fall off. I commit to what He wants me to do, something bad happens and I fall and think ok God, I know you can't use me now. But, He says come on back, tie yourself back to me, we will use this as part of your story too. He never turns His back on me. He longs for me to get that He is not going to leave me nor forsake me. When will I believe and trust Him for this. What could He do with me if I would only completely surrender, wholeheartedly.
The time is now, will I act? How about you and how about me, do you/I feel the deep longing in our souls to be sold out 100% to the ONE that loves us more than any other? Is there a purpose in your/my life that we know God has given us? Have you/I stepped out in faith and just jumped off the cliff and been set free? Could today be the day for you/me? He does not fail, He will catch us and He will set us free, you and I, we just have to be willing.
"Your name and renown (fame) are the desire of our hearts. My soul yearns for you in the night; in the morning my spirit longs for you." Isaiah 26:8-9

Cajun Shrimp Anyone?

I decided to do a simple task today and go to the mall to buy a bottle of Cajun Shrimp OPI nail polish. I ventured into Trade Secrets to discover they were out of the color I was looking for. Of course, I had to check out all of their colors and did find a color that I thought I liked. It is OPI Red My Fortune Cookie. But, I really wanted to know what Cajun Shrimp looked like. So, I ventured on down to Regis Hair Salon to see if they had any...why yes as a matter of fact they did. So, I bought me a bottle.

I then decided to go back to Trade Secrets to compare my new fun bottle of Cajun Shrimp to Red My Fortune Cookie. I looked at them and looked at them and finally decided what the heck, I'm going to get this bottle too. So, I made my purchase, the nice lady put both bottles gently into a bag and off I went.

I got in the ol Tahoe, put my keys in the ignition, locked the doors of course (I wouldn't want anyone to try to get me!), and had the thought to get my other color out and put it on another nail to see just which one I thought was the prettiest and the funnest. I put my hand in the bag and felt something wet. When I pulled my hand out it is covered in a lovely color of Cajun Shrimp or Red My Fortune Cookie. Now, I'm not sure how this next step happened BUT I ended up with the nail polish ALL OVER the front and back of BOTH of my hands. Now, I didn't know which color it was at the time because I had my sunglasses on and not my reading glasses. I could have no more read the bottom of that bottle than the man in the moon. So, I have to figure out a way to get the keys out of the ignition, unlock the car and get out of it and shut it without having nail polish all over everything I own.

God loves to keep me humble...I go walking back into the mall with my hands straight up in the air, covered in nail polish and carrying the bag that is full of the nail polish. I got to Trade Secrets first because its closest and wouldn't it be nice if it was the bottle of polish I bought from them so I wouldn't have to walk ALL THE WAY down to the other salon. Of course, when they see me their eyes get big and they say OH NO what happened. I tell them I don't know and could they please read the bottle that is broken because I can't see. Well, as you might know, the polish that was broken was Cajun Shrimp from none other than the other salon. Trade Secrets lady said she would clean up the other bottle while I go to the other salon with hands held high in the air.

I pass a lady as I'm walking and she looks at my hands and says oh no that's not good...yes I know its not. I walk into Regas and the poor little girl is mortified, her eyes get the size of Texas. What happened, she asked. I tell her my story with my hands still held high. They look at the bottle, which we find out is cracked down the side and must have just poured out when laid on its side,and says lets get you cleaned up. She ends up standing in front of their counter with a hair towel pouring finger nail polish remover on it scrubbing my left hand. After she gets it off of my left hand she gives it to me to get it off of my right hand. They find me another bottle of Cajun Shrimp, let me go wash my hands and send me on my way.

As I'm walking back to Trade Secrets to get my other bottle of polish, I pass the same daggum lady. She says, well you got it taken care of, didn't you. Yes, yes I did. The lady at Trade Secrets hands me my cleaned up bottle and I am on my way.

The entire time I'm going through this most embarrassing process all I think about is why can't my daughter or my friends be with me during this humiliating and funny time of my life. I mean seriously they probably would have peed their pants.

I still have a Cajun Shrimp tint to my hands but all is well now. Oh, except my car smells like a bottle of finger nail polish and I am the happy owner of Cajun Shrimp and Red My Fortune Cookie. Do you think OPI would like for me to do a commercial for them. "Woman does anything to get one of our bottles of polish!!!!"

Just a day in the life...

Goodbye to a dear, sweet lady!

I went to a funeral today. I went to a funeral for a woman I had not seen in years but loved her so much. I went to a funeral today and the emotions overcame me. They started to play the piano, the organ and the sweet hymns of old and I knew that this sweet lady was with the Lord and I knew the Lord was in that place.

Sweet Nadyne Swaffer...a woman you couldn't help but to love! One of the sweetest, if not the sweetest, women I have ever had the honor of knowing. I worked with her at Little Rocks First Baptist Church. She was, until last Thursday, the receptionist plus so much more at the church and had been working there for somewhere around 25 years. She was 70 years old. In our office we were in a pod type room. There were 3 pastors, 2 secretaries and Nadyne. The way the room was set I could hear everything Nadyne said to everyone and how she answered the phone each and every time. She never had an ugly word to say about anyone. No matter who you were she made you feel loved and like she had known you for your entire life. I never once heard her answer the phone in a harsh tone or treat anyone as if she didn't want to help them or have time for them. If you have ever been one to answer the phones, you know that is not an easy task and especially not for 25ish years. She was hilarious, although I'm not so sure she meant to be, I think maybe she had some blonde roots but that just added to her sweet disposition.

We had so many laughs in that office! It was the best office to be in, in the church. Great memories! Nadyne, Steve Bushey, Lewie Clark, Dave Lewis, Carmen/Cheryl and me. What a group. A place where we could laugh, cry, work and pray for people. It's where I learned about discipleship and missions. It's where I became intimate with Christ. And whenever I think of the people who have shown Christ to me, Nadyne Swaffer is one of the first to come to my mind.

She had the sweetest southern voice, a gentle soul, the kind of woman I would have loved to have had as a Mom and the kind of woman I would love to be like.

Within about the last month the church had done a series or sermon on suffering and asked Nadyne to be a part of a video. They showed the video today. She read Psalm 57:1 Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me, for in you my soul takes refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed. Nadyne's disaster has passed and she is now forever with her God. He had mercy on her and took her home.

Sweet Nadyne you will always be remembered in this heart with the fondest of memories and the kindest of thoughts. My only regret is that I had not seen her in so many years. How I wish I had known she had cancer and how I wish I had gone to see her. I will see her again though and we will have the best of times there - in Heaven!!!!