I am posting this post after my trip. I didn't get a chance to finish it while I was gone. So, please understand the different time references.
Lonely...isn't it amazing how we can be somewhere, with people, being active and yet feel this overwhelming loneliness.
I feel this when I'm away from family. I think, I need to get away, do something, take care of myself. Then, when I go, I just want to be home with my family.
I am away from home tonight...talked to Kristyn...told her I missed being home. She said, WHY? I said I just like being where you guys are. She said, yeh, your routine...I said just being where you all are is what I like. She said, "well if you would have been home tonight, all you would have done was hear me come in and say goodnight"...I know but I guess that is all I need most times. Just to see their faces, hug them, know that we are close together. Thats what it is all about.
I have memories of being a little girl and going to spend the night with a friend. Then, the dread came, my stomach would hurt, my heart would ache and I would have to get home. I didn't know if everything would be ok if I weren't there. Would everything fall apart if I wasn't there to keep it going. A frantic feeling would come over me and I would just have to call my dad to come get me and let me be home in my bed. The best place ever! That is exactly how I felt sleeping away from for these recent nights, I just needed to be home with my babies. It was just like being that little girl again.
I am thankful I can still have peace in loneliness...it might be peace like a river but there is a peace. I know God loves me and wants the best for me and has a plan for me. The question, will I be still and listen and then will I obey...please Lord help me to do the right thing.