Its Saturday afternoon and the house is exceptionally quite today. Zach, my 20 year old 6'3" baby boy, left his morning to work at a Christian Athletic camp for the rest of the summer. He'll be home 2 days and leave for college again.
He woke me up this morning, yes he woke me up not me waking him up, got the rest of his stuff together, gave me a big hug (he gives the best hugs ever) and off he went. I noticed he never really looked me in the eye because I know he knew I was crying. I try not to but I just do. I stood there and watched him drive away crying the entire time. I got back in my bed and cried myself to sleep. I know, what a baby I am.
I remember every time I would leave my dad, he would cry and every time he left his mom, she would cry. I can still see both of them standing in their driveways crying as their loved ones drove away. Its like a part of your heart is leaving with them each and every time.
This morning I watched a young man drive away, taking with him the little boy that I raised. A part of parenting is allowing your child to leave the nest. To take flight. I think that is what I have been so sad over with Zach leaving this time. I know its going to be forever different. He is a man now and it will never be the same when he comes home. He has found his nitch at school and is really finding himself. Don't get me wrong, I am so excited for him and what he is doing and becoming and this is the way it is supposed to be. This is what we have raised them to be and do...to fly and become independent. My role now is to be on the sidelines, there when he wants or needs but not to be the kind of parent I've been for the last 20 years.
Its the strangest feeling because I am so happy for him and so sad for me all in the same breath. Its like every thing we have done as parents is for this moment and then when it comes we are heart sick over this huge shift in life.
I know he is going to be fine...I know I'm going to be fine and I know we will always be in relationship and for that I am thankful. We are just shifting and that is wonderful or it will be wonderful, after today.
You go Zachy, you be the man God has created you to be...live life to the fullest son. I'll always be here for you!
I love you!