Christmas To Me

Memories
Memories of my daddy going into the bedroom on Christmas eve, locking the door and wrapping his gifts, whistling and a lot of times listening to Elvis Christmas music. Using all the leftover wrapping paper, you might have 3 kinds of paper on one gift. He loved this time of year like I do, I miss him a lot right now.

I remember the year we got Little Jon for the kids for Christmas...Kristyn got up and came into the living room, sat down beside me and started petting him and didn't even realize what she was doing. It finally dawned on her that it was a new puppy. We miss you this year Little Jon!

The first time we sent the kids on a hunt for a gift...so fun and they would get so excited and so would I. I just loved seeing their little eyes light up when they walked in the room on Christmas morning. So sweet in their new pj's they always get on Christmas eve.


Music
I love the music of the season. This year Faith Hill has a song on her album called "A Baby Changes Everything", my favorite this year. It makes me cry and it causes me to worship. If you haven't heard it, listen to it! I also love Elvis' music, listen to it every year. All Christmas music makes me happy, sometimes sad, always warm inside.

Baking
I love to bake at Christmas. Cookies, breads, salsa, cakes, its such a homey and warm feeling. Of course, I like to eat it all as well and I like sharing it with friends and family.

Lights
Watching Christmas lights just mesmerizes me. They are so romantic and pretty. I do not like my tree lights being off, they must be on if I'm home. I cannot convince my kids that this is a must, don't sit here with the lights off!!!!

Giving
I like helping children have Christmas that might not have it other wise. What a joy and a blessing. I love giving to my kids, oh my gosh this delights me to no end. I also like buying for others and seeing them be surprised and enjoy whatever it may be.

Losses
Its such a sad time of year when you have lost a loved one. We miss them so much during the holidays. I think of my friends tonight who have lost children and I wonder how they breathe, how they survive each year. I admire them, respect them and love them and pray for grace over them during this time. I continue to wonder why Lord and I can only trust You will tell us why when we get to Glory.

Family
Of course I love being with my family. My family consist of my kids and my friends. This year me and the kids are putting together a Christmas puzzle and i bought a gingerbread train for us to do...sound like fun! I know they are excited!

Jesus
This is the best part. I could not survive if it weren't for the birth of Jesus and the death of Jesus and the resurrection of Jesus. He saught me, bought me and convinced me that He does love me. He offers this to every one of us, that is the amazing part, that He can love each of us as if we were the only child. Sweet baby Jesus. A baby really does change everything.

Merry Christmas to all!

The King and His Daughter

The king was conducting business before his throne. Everyone in the castle, even his wife, knew that it was forbidden to interrupt him while he was working. After all, he was the king. He commanded legions of soldiers and created law for the entire domain. His name was legendary. Young men spoke it with awe; old men, with reverence.
He sat before the leaders of state, a pensive expression on his face as he studied the documents in his lap. Suddenly the door to the room burst open, startling the dignitaries gathered in the room. The patter of little feet could be heard running across the hard stone floor, directly toward the king on his throne. The small assembly audibly gasped, stunned at the intrusion and not knowing what the king's reaction would be.
"Daddy, Daddy! I found a yellow flower!" It was the king's small daughter.
In a single motion the king swept the little girl off her feet and into his lap, scattering the important papers to the floor. His preoccupied countenance immediately transformed into sheer delight as he smiled broadly at his child and then examined her small prize. while the luminaries waited, she sat there with him, her tiny form cuddled in the crook of his strong and gentle right arm. With her head pressed against his chest, they shared secrets and some small talk. He made her giggle, and then, after kisses and a big hug, the little girl, smiling from ear to ear and glowing with contentment, climbed down from her daddy's lap and ran out of the room.

I read this story this morning in a book I'm reading. The author went on to say that our Daddy is like this king. Isn't that awesome, He is the King of kings, Lord or lords, the great I AM and yet He loves us so much and will allow us to jump up in His lap anytime, He is never to busy for us.
He also thinks we are beautiful, whether we are short or tall, skinny or chunky, it just doesn't matter, we are beautiful because we are daughters of the King. He wants to meet our deepest needs. He wants us to know that we are beautiful, valued and deeply loved.

Have a great week!

Your second child and beyond!

Here you go mommies - a different kind of survey for a change - it's all about you and your second baby.

1. Were you married at the time? yes
2. What were your reactions when you found out you were pregnant? Shock, Zach was just 14 months and we had just moved into our first home. You can get pregnant while nursing and before having that first period!
3. How old were you? 28
4. How did you find out you were pregnant?
I went to the dr. thinking I had an ulcer because my stomach was so upset and hurt so much. The dr. made me do a blood test first. He came back in the room and said, (I will never forget this as long as I live) "Well Beth you are going to have to name this ulcer!"
5.Who did you tell first? Dave
6. Did you want to find out the sex? Yes but didn't find out
7. Due Date? November 17th, I think.
8. Did you deliver early or late? a week late!
9. Did you have morning sickness? I was so nauseated all the time, didn't throw up just felt so sick morning, noon and night.
10. What did you crave? M&M's again and Dr. Pepper and mexican and oranges
11. Who irritated you the most? Everything because I felt so bad
12. What was the sex? Sweet baby girl
13. How many pounds did you gain throughout your pregnancy? 35
14. Did you have any complications during your pregnancy? HEMOROIDS!!!!!! Even worse than with Zach. They wanted to do surgery but I wouldn't.
15. Where did you give birth? Memorial Hosp. NLR, no longer there.
16. How many hours were you in labor? Water broke at 12:00 Thanksgiving Day! Delivered at 9:34 that night.
17. Who drove you to the hospital? Dave
18. Who watched? Dave and the nurses and the dr.
19. Was it natural or c-section? Well I had an epidural but it didn't take because of the hemroids. I had been in bed for 3 days with them before going into labor. After Kristyn was born, the anastesioligist came up beside my bed and said "honey are you planning on having any more babies?" I said NO. She said, "good because I gave you enough medicine to numb the biggest of men and you didn't numb because of your hemrroids!" So, I felt it all baby!
20. Did you take medicine to ease the pain? Afterward, anything they would give me.
21. How much did your child weigh? 8-4, 19.5 inches
22. What did you name him/her? Kristyn Anne James
23. How old is your child today? She turned 19 on Sunday the 23rd of November.
Okay mommies, re-post this as My second baby and send it to all the other mommies plus the mommy who sent it to you.

Your First Baby

Here you go mommies - a different kind of survey for a change - it's all about you and your first baby.

I'm going with Zach.
1.Were you married at the time? yes
2. What were your reactions when you found out you were pregnant? I was so happy, I sat in my chair at work and rocked.
3. How old were you? 26
4. How did you find out you were pregnant?
I had a feeling. Went to the dr. to have a pregnancy test, (showing my age here), it came back negative. The next day I went back and said, I just think you need to do this again, so they did a blood test and low and behold, I WAS. A moma knows!
5.Who did you tell first? OMG I cannot remember her name right now, I can see her as plain as day but can't remember her name, we worked together and she was sitting in front of me when I got the call...then dave, of course.
6. Did you want to find out the sex? No, but I knew it was a boy. We didn't get to find out in those days like you do now.
7. Due Date? Jan 20, 1988
8. Did you deliver early or late? 2 days late
9. Did you have morning sickness? Not with Zach
10. What did you crave? M&Ms. I would go to the dr each month, weigh, then go and buy a lb. bag of M&Ms and just enjoy, with a dr. pepper of course.
11. Who irritated you the most? I don't remember being to irritated with Zach.
12. What was your first child's sex? Boy
13. How many pounds did you gain throughout your pregnancy? 35
14. Did you have any complications during your pregnancy? HEMOROIDS!!!!!! Toward the end, the very top of my leg would cramp while in public, like at the store. Other than that, we were both healthy little puppies.
15. Where did you give birth? Memorial Hosp. NLR, no longer there.
16. How many hours were you in labor? 3 hrs. 58 minutes. At the hospital for 1 hr 58 minutes.
17. Who drove you to the hospital? Dave
18. Who watched? Dave and the nurses and the dr.
19. Was it natural or c-section? All natural
20. Did you take medicine to ease the pain? UMMM, wanted an epideral badly, walked into the hospital asking for one but there was no time for anything, so he was all natural.
21. How much did your child weigh? 8-12, 22 1/2 inches
22. What did you name him/her? Zachary David James
23. How old is your first born today? 20 years, 9 months, 29 days, just a little baby! He is also 6'3" weighing in around 220!

Okay mommies, re-post this as My first baby and send it to all the other mommies plus the mommy who sent it to you.

Award

I couldn't figure out how to get the award to this post, so please know you have been given an award!!!!

"This blog invests and believes the PROXIMITY - nearness in space, time and relationships! These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers!



Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."


I am supposed to give this to 8 bloggers.



Thank you Betty. I love your blog too. Keeper of the Skies. We have known each other for 15 years and I love you so much! I love how you have just taken off with your blogging. I so see where the creativity comes from in Megan and Tori!!!!



Whitney has the funnest pics of her sweet sweet family. She is just the funnest person and always just happy. eoffadventures



Becky is a godly, intelligent woman that loves people and God and inspires me to persue God more. Her blogs are always challenging spiritually and honest and real. weepyseeds.



That is it for me.
beth

My BABY is ENGAGED!!!!

Once again I say, how do our children grow up so fast!

Week before last I get a phone call from Micthell (Kristyn's boyfriend) and he ask me to lunch when they came home that weekend. I immediately said no (i was kidding of course) because I knew what he wanted. He called Kristyn's dad and asked him to go at the same time.

Saturday, November15, we met at The Olive Garden in North Little Rock for lunch. He was so cute, you could tell he was nervous, stretched a few times, chit chatted about nothing, then he did it. He said, "well you all know why were here, well Ms. Beth you knew when I called you, I would like to ask your permission to marry your daughter?" He and I were making eye contact and he had tears in his eyes. So sweet.

We talked for a while, I had things I wanted him to know that were important to me for him and Kristyn as they became a family. Her dad talked to him as well. Oh, I asked him if he had the ring and he said yeh right here and he showed it to me. The minute I saw that ring, I just started crying and it was so hard to get control again. It just like hit me that this child of mine was going to marry this young man sitting across from me. I had all these things to say to him and I had to try to do it while crying the entire time. Of course by the end I gave him my blessing.

From the time he called to ask me to lunch, I have just cried so much. I'm not upset, just I don't know in shock, like Steve Martin in Father of the Bride. I watched the CMA's and when he sang "Your gonna miss this", I just boo hooed! I've heard that song a million times but that night, whew, it was rough.

Move ahead to yesterday, Friday, November 21st. I knew it was going to be this night and Kristyn was clueless. I woke up at 5:30 yesterday morning and could not go back to sleep. I knew she was going over to his apt. for dinner at around 5:30 p.m. So, I just kept waiting for the call. She finally called, she was real quiet at first, in shock I do believe. I said "well what did you get for your birthday?" and she just made a little laugh.She was coming home this morning for her birthday but Mitchell wasn't coming because he has to work Sunday. Well they both got in the car and headed home last night. Isn't that sweet. He proposed in a sweet romantic way and she said she started crying and couldn't stop.

The ring, its beautiful. Its a solitaire on a small band. I cannot remember right now the cut, its something new. Its kind of a rectangle. It looks perfect on her little hand. As they were driving home, it started sinking in and she started getting really excited and they spent the drive home calling the important people in their lives. Just so sweet!

You know that someday these things will happen but its kind of like watching this happen to someone else. Because the entire time, I'm thinking she is just a baby, how can we be here, at this place, at this time. I've prayed for her husband all her life, just didn't know it would come so fast.

The plan right now is spring of '09. I would love for her to have at least 2 years of school behind her. For those of you that don't know, they have been dating for 3.5 years. Mitchell just completed the Springdale, AR police academy and is now a policeman in Springdale.

The one thing I can say for the boy, he loves my daughter. I can see it in his eyes and the way he treats her and takes care of her and allows her to be herself. For this, I am thankful!

I look forward to all of the excitement and the planning and watching them in their lives together. Honestly though, I cannot imagine the day of seeing her walk down that isle in that wedding dress with all of their loved ones there watching them commit their lives to God and to one another. I know for sure there will be lots of kleenex because his family will cry as much as me! Memories are being made by the moment!

Thank you Lord that you have blessed me with such wonderful children...truly, I am thankful!

Happy Birthday Kristyn!

The month was November and the year 1989. Although not planned, we were about to deliver a wonderful baby girl. A gift from the Lord. I believe it was yesterday that I was largely pregnant with child, not knowing it was a girl. Where does the time go?



Things that began with her that have become and I guess have always been a part of her personality:



She was a week late...is always pushing the button to be anywhere on time. We have gotten into more arguments over her being ready on time. She doesn't mind having us "wait on a woman".



Social...every time I was nursing her and she heard anything, off the breast she went so she could see what was going on. Of course, she didn't really mind what perdicament she left me in!



Didn't like to sleep...oh to get that child to take a nap...at daycare they finally made an agreement with her, you don't have to sleep but you have to lay here. So, she did, for the most part! To this day, she goes and goes and goes and then one day she will crash and burn.



Stole my heart...the moment she was born I knew the Lord had blessed me and was trusting me with this wonderful child. I had never wanted a girl because of the relationship I had with my mother. I now know that God gave me Kristyn to prove to me that all relationships don't have to be like the one I had with my mother. What a blessing she has been. My heart swells with love for this child...we have laughed more together than I guess I've laughed with anyone. Conversations about everything from dolls to bikes to playing sports to boys to girlfriends to speechs to dresses to sex to her future and everything in between.



Life now is a little different. She is in her first year of college, no longer a child. She has so many goals and is working hard to achieve those goals. I have to tell her sometime, slow down, enjoy where you are just a little.



I look forward to having an adult relationship with her and hopefully the Lord will give us many years to laugh together, cook together, shop together, watch movies together and have great conversation together.



My birthday prayer for my sweet girl would be that she fall so in love with Jesus and that He would always be the center of her life. I've learned that is the only way to live and to live free and in peace.



So, this Sunday, November 23rd, we celebrate her life of 19 years. Thank You Father that you trusted me with your child and allowed her to be my child on this earth. What a priviledge and an honor. I wouldn't change a hair on her sweet head. I love you Cissy aka Kristyn aka Louise aka Kristyn Anne!!!!

It was absolutely beautiful out this morning. I decided to go for a walk. When I went outside I was greeted not only by my cat Sophie but by 3 cows standing in the field. They live behind me but they think the grass is greener over here and so every day they bop right on over. They have gotten so comfortable that today one of them was laying down in my field. Then, they see me and get this look on their face of pure fear, they freeze and watch me to see what I will do. Usually, I just look at them and go on but every once in a while my devilish side comes out and I start talking to them. OMG, they take off like a scared cat. Cracks me up, I always tell them they need to go home. Can't you just see the neighbors watching me talk to the cows and wondering why I'm not locked up somewhere.

Ok, so back to the walk. The temperature was perfect, the sky absolutely beautiful blue and the trees starting to turn. I love this time of year. Our neighbors have a lab that is just precious but they have an invisible fence so she cannot get out of their property. I would say yard but they have like 20 acres of land, a little big for a yard! She runs up to where I'm walking and we have a nice little conversation as she walks along beside me, me on the road and her in her domain. It was really kind of nice to have someone to talk too. Sad, I know, I like to talk to the animals.

I'm going thru some pretty tough stuff right now in my life and so as I was walking, I was just talking to the Lord and asking Him what do You want me to do, where do you want me, I just don't understand. All I know is that I am in the desert and please don't leave me here for 40 years, I'll be 87!!! Seriously! Then this still voice came in my head "just seek me and you will find me". I haven't heard that voice in a long time. It has continued to go thru my mind all day and evening. Where do you want me to seek You, how do You want me to seek You. I'm willing, honest I am, I'm just in this desert and I am parched like I've never been parched before. I need water, the living water.

Psalm 23 used to get on my nerves, sorry Lord, because it was read at my dad's funeral and that is not what he wanted read. He told me what to have read and I got overruled. So, I had a thing about this Psalm for years. But, the Lord has changed my heart to this Psalm and now I think on it and just feel myself there.

The Lord is MY Sherperd, I shall NOT be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters, (This is my favorite part, the peace that comes over me when I think of lying in green pastures right next to the quiet waters and I just know there are huge 100 year old trees and I'm lying on a big ol comfy quilt.)
He restores my soul. (This is what I long for, my soul to be restored)
He guides me in paths of righteousness, for His name sake.

Even though I walk thru the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for YOUR rod and YOUR staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies,
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I WILL dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Its like He does the first part to prepare us for the second part. The valley of the shadow of death, that table in the presence of my enemies (the thoughts that come to mind on this one!) But with each step, He takes care us, His rod and staff comfort me. He anoints my head with oil after having to be at that table with my enemies. That is just the way He is. He doesn't promise happy happy happy but He does promise to be there.

Like that old cow laying in the field, I want to lay in the green pastures and drink of the living water so I can get past this parchment in the desert.

So, I would say the walk was good. I'm glad I went, maybe I will go for another tomorrow. Who knows who or what I might get to talk too!

I have done it!!!!

I finally figured this blog thing out!!!! I am so excited. The only problem is I lost some of you. So, please if you look at my blog and you don't see your name on my site, comment it to me. There are a couple of you I know I lost, HB and WE!!!!

Looking forward to posting more now that I have a nicer blog!
Good night! (I've been doing this for over 2 hours!!!!)

Mitchells Graduation

October 17, 2008 now has a new meaning as well. Mitchell, Kristyn's boyfriend of 3.5 years graduated from the Springdale Police Academy today. He is now officially Officer Regnas. He has been in training for 12 weeks. I'm just so proud of him and the way he has persevered and kept his mind on the goal of today.

During his training, besides all of the physical training, he also had to be tazered and have mace sprayed in his face. They did the shooting range, driving course and there was a lot of academic work.

The graduation ceremony was so nice. Both sets of his grandparents, his aunts, uncle, cousins, parents, brother, me, zach, susanna and kristyn were all there. He was dressed in the dress police uniform. They gave awards for the top 3 in the class for certain things. Mitchell came in 2nd place for shooting. After the ceremony the "class" had to go out and take down the flag. It was so beautiful. They fell into formation in front of the flag and saluted the flag and then 3 of the guys took the flag down. It was just a pretty picture of our Amerian flag and those new police officers standing there in formation that just touched my  heart.

Afterwards all 17 of us went to Olive Garden and had lunch and then this evening we gathered in the lobby of the hotel and had cake and ice cream and Mitchell received gifts for his graduation.

We are all so proud of you Mitch. Job well done and I pray the Lords hand would be upon you as you begin protecting the town of Springdale, Arkansas. Godspeed.

Robin Wooten

October 17, 1960 my friend Robin Mary Wooten was born in Smyrna, Georgia. She was a beautiful girl, long brown hair, the flattest stomach ever and the sweetest personality. She had an older sister, Penny, who had already moved out of the house. So, Robin was kind of like an only child. 

We met at Legend Heights Baptist Church when I was in the 6th grade and became instant friends. We were inseparable for 3.5 years. We practically lived together. Our parents let us spend the night together even during the week. I called her parents Moma and Daddy Wooten. She called mine Moma and Daddy. 

We were friends thru those years of going from girls to teenagers. So many questions and thoughts that we shared together. We went skating every weekend and we would usually get ready at her house. It would take us hours to get ready. We wore blue eyeshadow, blue or green finger nail polish. We sat in her living room putting on our makeup while talking to her mom. We asked her mom some of the craziest things and she would just laugh with us and talk to us. I remember one time we asked how to kiss!!! Her parents were older as well, which made it all even more interesting. We listened to 8 track tapes, Bachman Turner Overdrive! How funny!

Every Sunday morning when we were at her house her mom would fix us fried bacon and grits and orange juice. I don't know why but for some reason that food tasted so good at her house. It was just the best.

I remember when Robin would get a phone call she would climb under their kitchen table to talk, especially if it was a boy!

We moved from Smyrna, Georgia on March 6, 1976. I was a freshman in high school. Robin came to visit us one time after we moved to West Virginia. We continued to keep in touch though.

On November 24, 1977, Thanksgiving night we got a phone call. I was on crutches because I had been doing a cheer jump and landed wrong and broke my toe. Anyway, we got a phone call that Robin and her boyfriend Randy had been in a car wreck and they both had died. She was 17 years old. I was devastated!

My mom, brother and I went to Georgia for the funeral. Her family had me sit with the family at the funeral. They buried Robin and Randy next to each other. They were planning to marry. After the funeral Moma Wooten had me and another friend go back to their house and go thru some of Robins things. She wanted us to have some of her things. I think about that now and I do not know how she did that so closely after the funeral. I guess because she knew I had to leave and she wanted me to have a part of Robin.

Today, October 17, 2008 Robin would have been 48 years old. There is not a year that has gone by in the last 31 years that I have not thought of Robin on her birthday and the anniversary of her death. 

I have looked for her sister for years and years during this time of the year. I have never been able to find her until this year. I finally finally found her and got her phone number and called her on my way to Fayetteville to see my kids. We just had the best time sharing memories. She told me it was nice having someone to talk to that remembered Robin. Both of their parents are gone now and so no one that Penny is with knew Robin. 

I told Penny I've just always wanted her to know that I think of her each year and I think of Robin each year and will never ever forget her. I've learned over the years that its important to people that their loved ones are not forgotten.

Interesting fact: Robin died on Thanksgiving night and Kristyn, my daughter was born on Thanksgiving night. Robin died November 24 and Kristyn was born November 23. Robin had green eyes and Kristyn has green eyes. I've just always found this little tidbit interesting.

So, Happy Birthday my childhood friend. You were my first best friend and I will never forget you. I'm thankful God allowed us to have the time we had together. Sweet memories of days gone by.

beth

Pumpkin Latte

Wow, its been almost a month since my last post. I don't know why except my computer at home will not get on the internet. I'm calling the Geek Squad right now. OMG just talked to Geek Squad and it will be 170.00 for them to look at my computer!!! Am I crazy or is that crazy!

I LOVE this time of year because I can go to Starbucks and get a Nonfat Pumpkin Latte. I love love love pumpkin. I'm drinking one right now and its just so homey, cosey and yummy!!!!

Happy Fall to everyone!

MEME

I've been tagged to do a meme, so here goes!
1. Where were you 10 years ago?
We were living at 241 Briarpatch Lane, doesn't that have a lovely ring to it! Zach was 10 and Kristyn was 9. I LOVED living at this place, its where my kids did most of their growing up years. It was one of those neighborhoods where everyone knew everyone, the kids went outside and road bikes, played football in the yards, played the night time flashlight games etc. We had the most wonderful next door neighbor named Mrs. Kathy, she help to take care of all of our kids and anything else we needed. She is one of the kindest people I have ever known. It is just that place when I think of it, I feel warm inside. I miss those days and that place.

2. What is on Today To Do List?
Well, I've already had my nails done. Picked up Kristyn's yearbook from last year, yes they just got them in! I know, crazy! Now, I'm working for a while, then going home and crocheting, maybe a little reading! It is an exciting life! Of course the best part is when Z & K call their ma!

3. What would you do if you became a billionare?
I have no idea! Money isn't everything I have learned.

4. Name 5 places you have lived?
Miami, Florida
Smyrna, Georgia
Charleston, West Virginia
Tulsa, Oklahoma
North Little Rock, Arkansas

5. Name 3 bad habits you have.
Food
Over analyzing
Messing with my nails!

6. What are your favorite snacks?
I love Movie Theatre popcorn too, with butter in the middle and on top.
cereal
sherbert or ice cream

7. Who will you tag for this meme?
Everyone that reads this blog, tag your it!!!!

Do You Know Who You Are

Do you ever read other blogs, facebook, myspace. email, whatever the case may be and wonder "Who Am I Really"? Do all of these people really know who they are as well as they present themselves to be?

I want to know who I really am...what do I really like to do...what do I really enjoy reading...what do I want to be doing in ten years...what kind of people do I really enjoy being around...what do I really want to look like and what kind of clothes do I really want to wear? What plan does God have for me on this earth?

How much of what I do is to please someone else? How much of what I do, I do because I've always done it that way. How much of what I do, I do because that is what I want. How much of what I do, I do to Glorify Christ and to please Him and be in relationship with Him?

Just a little food for thought!

Tribute to my Dad

September 9, 1938 was the day my dad was born and July 6, 1985 was the day he left this earth to go to Glory. They say its what happens in the middle of those two dates that counts. Since today would have been my dads 70th birthday I thought I would write some things about the life between the dates.

• He was a hansome man...dark brown hair, green "cat eyes", beautiful hands.


• He loved the Lord. He got up every morning of the life I knew of him and spent time with the Lord. His cup of coffee, his bible and until a year before his death, a cigarette! So, no he wasn't perfect!


• He was a preacher. What we refer to these days as bi-vocational, meaning he didn't have a degree of any kind but was called to preach and he loved being a preacher.


• He was a great listener.


• He loved popcorn and coke.


• He was a pack rat...stacks of papers everywhere.


• He looked mean but didn't have a mean bone in his body. This caused people to be afraid of him until they got to know him.


• He loved to laugh and cut-up.


• He was an Elvis Presley fan. He went to several of his concerts. He would put his music on at home and we would all dance. I know can you believe we old baptist were dancing in our home!


• He loved to sing. He had a base voice and his favorite solo to sing was "How Great Thou Art".


• He always brought me prizes when I was sick.


• He worked in a cemetary, keeper of the grounds. He always told me that when Jesus came back he wanted to be standing in the middle of the cemetary and see all the graves open.


• He always talked about going to heaven and wanting to be in heaven. Makes me think that maybe he knew he wouldn't live to be an old man. He was 46 when he died.


• He loved animals. We always had dogs while I was growing up. He also took care of wounded geese that were at the cemetary.


• He was a gentle soul.

I have now lived longer on this earth without him than with him. That is a very strange feeling. Its been 23 years since his death and still on these anniversary dates I am jarred in the depths of my soul. In some ways its so hard to think I've been without him for so long. He was the one person in my family that I connected too and felt loved by.

I think the hardest and saddest part of him not being on this earth is that my children did not get to know him. He was gone before they were even born. He loved sports and loved coaching baseball and basketball and so I know he and my kids would have related so well. I know he would have been at their games, whatever they were playing. I know he would have been in relationship with his grandchildren.

I know without a doubt that he is in heaven and that is the legacy he left me. That no matter what he was going thru he loved his God and trusted Him. Even at times that I would probably have given up. I don't remember talking to him about how he became so passionate about Christ, that passion was just a part of who he was. There are a lot of things that I would like to know about him, our family, why things were they way they were. Alot of unanswered questions that are to remain unanswered. And when we are in heaven, I won't care anymore.

After going thru many issues in my life I have realized that he was not perfect and that he had his own issues. But, here is what I know, he loved me and he loved God more than anything. I'll take that legacy, its been a huge influence on my life. When I die, if my children know that I loved them unconditionally, I loved my Savior and that I'm in heaven, I will have left a legacy.

Happy Birthday Daddy!

I Need Help

Ok, everyone has these precious blogs and I cannot figure it out. What do I do, where do I go. I've tried copying and pasting in my "gadget" but there is no where to paste the daggum thing. Where do you get the pretty designs? How do you search for other blogs?
Please help this illiterate blog person!

God Love The Puppy

Our Little Jon died Monday, Labor Day after 14 years of taking care of and protecting (or so he thought) our family. He had heart problems. When I got up Monday morning I knew something was wrong by his actions (you know they have their routines they follow everyday) and it took him until 6:20 Monday night before he died. He was in his little bed and I was sitting in the recliner beside him crocheting just waiting and watching. It was heart wrenching.

Z was at school. K was home but left and got back to Fayetteville before he died. It was so sweet because she told him bye. Fortunatelly, D had come over that day to grill for K and so he was there and stayed until he died. We buried him out in the field of our property.

It is quite amazing how we get so attached to these little creatures. I walk into my big ol lonely house everyday and there is no Little Jon to greet me, no one for me to take out and no one to feed. I didn't realize how nice it was just to know I could look over and see him laying there.

He was a strange little bird. He would never wear a collar in his life. He would just lay down on the floor and not move! He hated going anywhere, can you imagine being at home 24/7 and not minding? That was him, of course, that was probably part our fault because he was usually going to the vet if he was in the car.

Other people - he has bit he share of people over the years. Some brave soul will decide they are going to try to pick him up or touch him from behind or approach him while he is in his bed and before you know it, they have been bit. I try to warn everyone that he is contankerous but no one believes me until they have tried for themselves. This excludes the family of course, he would let us do anything. If someone came to the house he would bark and act like he was going to eat them alive and five minutes later he would be rolling his ball to them, wanting them to play. He liked for us to throw the ball, he went and got it and then rolled it back to you with his nose. Sometimes though when we go to get the ball, he grabs it away. Other times he would take his ball and wrap it up in his blanket and bite at it and play. I would always wonder what was going on in his little mind while doing this.

I've always said he had "little man syndrome". He thought he was so tough until retaliation came and then he ducked his tail and headed home.

For those of you that aren't animal people, I know you think this is crazy. For those of you who are, you know why I'm posting this. Its good therapy!

I miss you Little Jon...you were truly a part of the family!

I'm Still Here!!!!

I know its been a long time since I've blogged. My internet at home is not working for some reason and I cannot figure it out. The kids laptops worked but the regular computer will not work. I know I know I'm working on getting it fixed. Computers are very frustrating to me since I don't know much about them. Any ideas, I'm listening (as Frasier would say).

Both of my kids are now in Fayetteville going to college. Seriously, this has to be on my top 5 list of "hardest things I've had to do" list. I've cried a river of tears! I mean my identity for the last 21 years has been that of Moma! I'm thinking I need to write a book about this so that other people can be prepared for whats coming when their child goes to college or moves out or whatever causes you to have empty nest symdrome! Granted I am one of those moms that loves having her kids around and loves teenagers and have been blessed to have great relationships with my kids.

Now I'm faced with the question "What am I going to do with my life now?" Pretty scarey question I must say. Of course I'm still their Ma aka Moma aka Beth but I've got a lot of time on my hands these days. On one hand its quite depressing wandering what I'm going to do and on the other hand its quite exciting wandering what God is going to do with this ol girl now.


Just from reading this entry I can see three things I can and want and need to do. Scrapbook and I have two books I want to write...one about kids growing up and one about being a birthmom. Actually, three books. I've always wanted to write a book about my life, either in real form or as a novel. Something to ponder.


Its great being back and I'll try not to be to depressing in my entries! Thanks Betty for giving me a blog award, I'm so excited!

Ms. Ann

I have been visiting a new church and tonight I went to a small group. At then end of the class the leader was talking about a book called "only 30 days to live", a book about what would you do if you knew you only had 30 days to live. Would anyone remember anything about you in 10 years? What kind of a mark have you left?

I thought about my friend Ms. Ann while the leader was talking about this. Ann died about a year and a half ago. She had battled cancer for quite some time. I loved this woman. I had the honor of giving the eulogy at her funeral. What I talked about the most was that she was a woman of prayer. I know that in 10 years I will still remember her being a praying woman.

She prayed for people she worked with for years. She was so burdened about their relationship with Christ. She also prayed for her son to come back to the Lord and she was blessed to see this happen before she died.

I remember the day we all gathered together in her early stages of cancer and we prayed for her healing. The most precious moment of that prayer gathering was when her son came up and knelt beside her and prayed for her. The Lord allowed us to have her for quite a while but then He decided to take her home and I think she was ready. Her earthly body was worn out.

My life was blessed and changed because God allowed me to know Ann. He allowed me a few special moments with her during her last days (of which we did not know was coming). She told me things that I now know God was having her tell me because He knew I would give her eulogy. What an honor.

I love you Ms. Ann and I miss you so much. I would love to be able to come over, give you a big hug and sit and chat in your cute and comfy living room. But for now, I'll remember you and I'll be seeing you when I get there!

Update on "the boy is coming home for a day"

Just a quick update. Zach made it home safely and back to camp safely. They played softball from 12 to 12. Yes, I do mean noon to midnight! Yes, I was there the entire time, couldn't hardly move the next day. But, it was so worth it!

It was the State church league tourny. The guys came in 3rd place. I think they played a total of six or seven games. Zach hit one over the fence, right under the score board which was center field. Yes, it was beautiful! I LOVE watching him and Kristyn play sports, just warms my heart.

I had one HUGE blessing while he was here, he probably wouldn't want me to tell this one BUT I just have too. He got home Friday night, walked in and said "well mama i think i'll just sleep with you tonight." Oh my gosh, I felt like I had been given this huge gift. You know, neither one of the kids will ever sleep with me anymore, they are all grown and want their own space. I was thrilled. So, its me then Little Jon (our dashhound of 13 years) and then my Zachy. We just laid there and talked about his work until we both fell asleep. This was such a blessing, you just don't know. He gave me such a gift and it didn't cost a penny.

I was so worried about him and Mitchell (Kristyn's boyfriend that lives in Fayetteville) driving back at 1 in the morning. So, I almost hesitated in doing this but I didn't and I'm so glad I didn't hesitate. I got the four of us and I prayed for the boys and for their car on the trip. It was a sweet moment. The Lord was so faithful in getting them there safely.

Zach had to be at work at 8 that morning. So, he slept and Mitchell drove. Thank you Father for taking care of "our" children!

It was a good day!

The boy is coming home for a day

Isn't it funny when someone we love is coming home, we get so excited and want everything to be just right. Zach is working at Camp War Eagle this summer as a counselor. His group of boys are 10 years old. He gets to call home maybe once a week because they are not allowed to have cell phones in the camp. They have to be left in his car. This I have found to be a little difficult. When he is in college, he calls me everyday. So, going a week without talking to him is quite an adjustment. I'm sure I'm being prepared for life after college!!!!!

After reading over my post, I just can't let this go. I'm thinking about how sad it is when I don't get to talk to my kids everyday. I worry if they are ok, are they happy, are they doing what they know is right to do etc. How happy I am when I see "Zach" or "Cissy" come up on my cell phone. Ok, so if I feel this way, how does my heavenly Father feel when I don't talk to him everyday and I don't go to Him with my life issues. How excited does He get when He sees my name show up on His big cell phone :)...The bible tells me he loves me more than I could ever love my kids...I cannot fathom that kind of love but I know its true and it makes me want to be sure to check in with Him everyday. To be sure to do what He has taught me to do. Ok, now back to the original story.

Well, he is coming home LATE tonight to be play in a softball tourny tomorrow and then back tomorrow night. I just want everything to be nice for him when he comes home. Trying to think of something yummy to have cooked for him etc.

I got to talk with him yesterday and he was telling me about his campers. He said he has three that are on him all the time...isn't that just sweet. He said it was nice to be able to have adult conversation last night (this means fellow college students :)) instead of someone saying they have a stomach ache, another doesn't feel good and someone can't find their socks. Someone constantly wants to sit on his lap and he is in a constant state of sweat. This make me chuckle because it sounds like the Lord is preparing him for daddyhood and who knows what else.

What I would give to be able to be at this camp for a day and just watch him do what he does. You know we raise these children, do the best we can with a lot of prayer and a lot of help from the Lord, right? Then, well then they grow up and go do things that we thought we help prepare them for, only we don't get see it happening, we just get to hear about it. Doesn't seem quite fair to me. I want to see them in action.

He said he has been told by two of the higher ups at camp that he does really well with kids. I was hoping for this because I just feel like God will use him in this area. We'll see.

Can't wait to see him tonight and get one of those famous hugs...he gives the best!!!!

Eating Wrong vs Right

I pose a question?

For those of you who have made the transition from "bad" food to "good" food, how have you done it?

I know there are recipes galore out there. A lot of them have ingredients I have never heard of but I think I'm willing to try. But, how do you start, how to you get yourself to WANT these healthy foods instead of the yummy's. You know biscuits/gravy, mac cheese, chocolate, ice cream, mashed potatoes etc. Yes, I love starches, how do you get off of these lovely things. They are my comfort food.

Seriously, I would love to hear any advice on how to make the great transition and still enjoy eating.

I'll be waiting to hear!!!!!!

Update

Just thought I would do an update to last nights shopping. Their room is going to be done in black, white and fuscia pink with a touch of razorback! They bought sheer black curtains for their closets. Pink stools that stores items. Pillows, etc.

The excitement is growing with the realization that soon they will be off to COLLEGE! It really is fun to watch K get ready for this new step in her journey of life.

In five weeks both of my kids will be in college and I'll be thankful to get phone calls.

It's beginning

Well, I'm sitting here tonight getting reports from time to time from the new freshman in college in my house. She and her roommate are making their rounds at the stores buying DORM items. No, I wasn't invited to go, can you believe they wouldn't want me there. HA!! I sit and wait in this very quite house to hear from the next stop and what they have purchased this time.

Everything that she has been given or we have bought is laid out so pretty in the guest room. I cannot hardly think about loading it all up and taking it to a place called Fayetteville and dropping it off in some room my baby will call home. What is up with that and how can it be the normal process? I don't even pretend to think i will not cry my eyes out.

She realized today that she has like 5 weeks left to get ready. Last night her and Tate, her dorm mate, sat at the table and made their list and looked on the computer at all kinds of things. I remember when they sat at the house talking about boys and doing cheer jumps and cheers and volleyball moves and making pyramids on Zach and taking pictures of themselves over and over and over. They couldn't wait to be in 8th grade, be kissed, go to high school, make cheer squad, make volleyball, make softball. Oh, would they be on Homecoming court. On and on it went and I loved watching them grow. I just didn't know it would be this fast and they are both almost 19.

I have a picture of these two and their friend Tori playing make-up and dress-up together. So young and cute and now all three are going off to college. Lord, would you bless their lives with Yourself, draw them each to You. How I pray that they will glorify you in what they do with their lives and that they will have real relationship with You. Protect them from the evil one, please surround them with your angels. I know they will have to go threw hard times and sad times (they have already endured several of these) and that you never said that life would be easy. But, I pray they will learn quickly and lean on You for their lives. Thank you in advance for loving them. May they all always have peace like a river!

I love you all three!

Cheerleader...

This might be a tad bit passionate...so beware.

Ok, seems like every time I read something lately, it is negative toward cheerleaders. Blogs, emails, books etc. They do not seem to have a positive side ever. Well I must finally tell my side of this story.

I was never a cheerleader....we didn't live anywhere long enough for me to even become a cheerleader. I hated jocks (how funny is that, since Z & K are both athletes)! I had my idea of a cheerleader, probably much like the things I have read about lately. I was never in the "in crowd", in fact the school I went to for the last half of my senior year, I knew NO ONE, literally. Ok, enough about me. I just wanted you to know, I really do know both sides of this story.

For you see, I have a cheerleader that lives in my house and here is what I now KNOW about cheerleaders. Maybe not all of them, but let me tell you about this one.

During her days as a cheerleader she...
worked so hard...practicing routines, jumps, cheers. This is not just something that happens. These girls are athletes that work their butts off to look good in front of the crowd each week.

She competed as a cheerleader...winning a national competition. She was a base and got beat up all the time by girls falling on her. Again a lot of work.

She dealt with more drama than she ever wants to deal with for the rest of her life.

Even though she was a cheerleader...she loved everyone not just the "in crowd". In fact, she spent a lot of time alone...being herself dissed by some of the "in crowd" because she wouldn't be what they wanted her to be.

At graduation, there was a young man in a wheelchair. After receiving his diploma and wheeling past where my cheerleader sat, he stopped and she got up and hugged him. Later telling me that every time she saw him in school he wanted a hug. Now, how snobby is that.

She also sat next to a special needs young lady during graduation that needed help and my cheerleader helped her instead of snubbing her.

She stuck up for the under dog many times. She talked to everyone at school and worked hard at not being known as a snob.

She was accused of things she didn't do by some jealous teachers and students.

To be a cheerleader is not something that just happens...these girls work hard every year to make the squad. While everyone else is at the games doing things they shouldn't be doing or just sitting around, they are in front of the crowd cheering for their teams. And a lot of time, being talked about and critiqued about every move they made. Even by some of the teachers!!!!

My cheerleader, she worked her butt off all during school to keep her grades up, to play softball, to play volleyball, to cheer and to be a friend to those around her. There have been many times that she has been called on when "friends" have been in crisis and those same "friends" were no where to be found when she was in crisis.

So, as you think such ugly thoughts about a cheerleader, maybe you should take another look at the person instead of just the uniform. I know I had to come back and rethink what I thought when I was young.

I am privileged to call a cheerleader my daughter.

Zachy

Its Saturday afternoon and the house is exceptionally quite today. Zach, my 20 year old 6'3" baby boy, left his morning to work at a Christian Athletic camp for the rest of the summer. He'll be home 2 days and leave for college again.

He woke me up this morning, yes he woke me up not me waking him up, got the rest of his stuff together, gave me a big hug (he gives the best hugs ever) and off he went. I noticed he never really looked me in the eye because I know he knew I was crying. I try not to but I just do. I stood there and watched him drive away crying the entire time. I got back in my bed and cried myself to sleep. I know, what a baby I am.

I remember every time I would leave my dad, he would cry and every time he left his mom, she would cry. I can still see both of them standing in their driveways crying as their loved ones drove away. Its like a part of your heart is leaving with them each and every time.

This morning I watched a young man drive away, taking with him the little boy that I raised. A part of parenting is allowing your child to leave the nest. To take flight. I think that is what I have been so sad over with Zach leaving this time. I know its going to be forever different. He is a man now and it will never be the same when he comes home. He has found his nitch at school and is really finding himself. Don't get me wrong, I am so excited for him and what he is doing and becoming and this is the way it is supposed to be. This is what we have raised them to be and do...to fly and become independent. My role now is to be on the sidelines, there when he wants or needs but not to be the kind of parent I've been for the last 20 years.

Its the strangest feeling because I am so happy for him and so sad for me all in the same breath. Its like every thing we have done as parents is for this moment and then when it comes we are heart sick over this huge shift in life.

I know he is going to be fine...I know I'm going to be fine and I know we will always be in relationship and for that I am thankful. We are just shifting and that is wonderful or it will be wonderful, after today.

You go Zachy, you be the man God has created you to be...live life to the fullest son. I'll always be here for you!
I love you!
ma

Friends

It has been a while since I blogged. It's kind of strange, I have gotten on several times to blog, but it just wouldn't come together in my mind. I guess this blog is more for expressing myself thru writing instead of everyday life. I love reading the blogs of everyday life but this is more like therapy for me, I think.

FRIEND...A word that has been really on my mind the last couple of weeks. A time of really pondering what this means to me and how it works. I think because I have been in such need of my friendships and am humbled at the response and love my friends are showing me right now.

It is said that we have some friendships/relationships for a season and some for life. I believe this to be true.

I am in a season of life that I need (hard to admit). Normally, I like to be the one that is needed...I thrive on being needed (not always a good thing). I perform well in someone else's crisis and take care of well. I know God is going to bring healing to a part of me that is broken during this time. Its very difficult for me, I have learned, to be the one that needs to be taken care of and needs to be heard - a lot. Also, to be in a place where I cannot give very much, a place where I must learn to take care of myself.

What I know is...God has been ever so gracious to allow me to have several real friendships in my life. He knows that I do not have family (past my immediate family) and that I long for family and so He has given me family thru friends. Like family, its not always easy and perfect but any relationship worth having is not going to always be easy and perfect. Because we aren't easy and perfect beings...we are actually pretty messy.

One of the things I enjoy most about friendship, actually two things. Laughing...oh how I love to laugh with my friends, you know the kind of laughing that you really need to wear a diaper. Gut wrenching laughter. If you don't do this, you are missing out on so much, find someone to laugh with. And depth, how I love to ask questions and get to the core of a person. Get past the surface stuff and get down to the nitty gritty.

Friends don't have to be people you see everyday or even live in the same state (sometimes country). The distance is only in miles, our hearts are so close.

My daughter...a friendship that is blooming. It's like one of my african violet plants that has a bud that is just beginning to bloom after a long time of feeding, giving light, protecting and watching every day. A young flower that is beginning to bloom. You know you have to be a "MOM" and make sure you keep the boundaries for so many years. If you are to much a friend then you can't be the mom, which is the responsibility that God has given us as their moms. But, you also have to make sure that you are not such a mom that you drive them away and the friendship can never bloom. I am told the friendship comes as they become adults. I long for and look forward to a life long friendship with my daughter. Something I have never experienced and cannot imagine and pray God allows. When she calls to tell me about her day or shares her heart with me, I feel so honored. She is a gift, a small delicate bud that I've done my best to water, give Light too, protect and watch over everyday the best I knew how and now is blooming into a beautiful flower. This is being blessed.

Thank you friends...each and every one of you. There is a part of me that wants to list each one of you and what you mean to me but I have that part of me that fears I'll mess up somehow and so I am going to just say thank you. You mean the world to me and I know that I have been given more than I will ever deserve in friendships.

Loneliness

I am posting this post after my trip. I didn't get a chance to finish it while I was gone. So, please understand the different time references.

Lonely...isn't it amazing how we can be somewhere, with people, being active and yet feel this overwhelming loneliness.

I feel this when I'm away from family. I think, I need to get away, do something, take care of myself. Then, when I go, I just want to be home with my family.

I am away from home tonight...talked to Kristyn...told her I missed being home. She said, WHY? I said I just like being where you guys are. She said, yeh, your routine...I said just being where you all are is what I like. She said, "well if you would have been home tonight, all you would have done was hear me come in and say goodnight"...I know but I guess that is all I need most times. Just to see their faces, hug them, know that we are close together. Thats what it is all about.

I have memories of being a little girl and going to spend the night with a friend. Then, the dread came, my stomach would hurt, my heart would ache and I would have to get home. I didn't know if everything would be ok if I weren't there. Would everything fall apart if I wasn't there to keep it going. A frantic feeling would come over me and I would just have to call my dad to come get me and let me be home in my bed. The best place ever! That is exactly how I felt sleeping away from for these recent nights, I just needed to be home with my babies. It was just like being that little girl again.

I am thankful I can still have peace in loneliness...it might be peace like a river but there is a peace. I know God loves me and wants the best for me and has a plan for me. The question, will I be still and listen and then will I obey...please Lord help me to do the right thing.

Thank You!

I just had to share what happened when I got home today. Below is a little prayer I wrote from my last blog entry...

"Lord, it would be nice if You would just let me see mama bird flying in or
out and oh what a blessing it would be to catch a glimpse of those little
babies leaving the nest. Otherwise, I'll leave them to you and mama
bird."

Ok, so I was pulling up to my driveway and looking at the mailbox and low and behold this beautiful mama bird came flying out of the paperbox. She was greyish but had this beautiful blue color on her back, like the egg shells I saw in the beginning. I looked back as she was flying away and she was hovering flapping those wings, telling me to get lost. So, I gently got my mail and took a little peek and there they were, those precious babies. Mouths wide open, probably, thinking "lady you are interrupting our dinner."Thank you Lord for showing me that mama bird...I so desperately needed to see You today and what a wonderful way to show me that You are still in control and You still hear me! You are the vine and I am the branch, help me to remain in You. I read that scripture on some else's blog today and it just stuck with me. I've mulling it over since.

Just had share and I cannot figure out how to get my text to be flush to the left again. Oh well.

Mailbox Update/my baby bird

As of yesterday, there are 4 or 5 little baby birds in our paper box. Their little heads rared back, little mouths WIDE open and not making a peep. I like to leave one paper in the box just to help protect them. Of course, now I'm concerned about mama bird, is she still around, is she feeding them, do I need to help them. What a personality trait of mine, always thinking I need to take care of everyone. God knows those little babies and He can handle them, I must let them go. Lord, it would be nice if You would just let me see mama bird flying in or out and oh what a blessing it would be to catch a glimpse of those little babies leaving the nest. Otherwise, I'll leave them to you and mama bird.

Speaking of leaving the nest, I have one that is definately on his way out. Zach is 20 and just growing up. I had two people comment about him after Kristyn's graduation lunch. They both said basically the same thing, Zach carried on a nice conversation, seemed so much more grown up and out going. They didn't feel like they had to pull conversation out of him. Love him, he does have some of his mama in him, the gift of conversation. Now, I didn't say the gift of gab but conversation. He still observes, takes things in, doesn't just talk to be talking. But when he talks, I need to listen, because he is going to say something meaningful. My man/child, he is making his way in this world, choosing who he wants to be and become.

It's so fun to watch but at the same time, brings HUGE tears to my eyes. I know someday soon he will leave and then some day after that he will leave and cleave and it will never be the same. I know it isn't supposed to be, but, oh how I miss him already. He gives the best hugs of anyone I know, just a big ol teddy bear.

He is going to work at a Christian Athletic camp from June 28 - August 9. Its called Camp War Eagle and he is going to be a counselor. Two guys will have 12 boys, ages he doesn't know yet, to be with for a week to two weeks at a time. I beleive God has put him here for this season. Zach wants to be a coach and this experience will help him know if that is really what he wants or not. Here is the kicker, he has already told me that he wants to move to school August 11th. Umm that is two days after he gets back from the camp. He wants to be at school for a couple of weeks before school starts. This is how I know he is leaving the nest, he is becoming more confident, less and less dependent, standing on his own two feet (as long as we keep feeding him the cash of course), and just about to step out of that nest and fly. Soar like an eagle son, if you are going to go out into this world, put your mark on it strongly, be everything God wants you to be! What an exciting life it can be if you choose what your Heavenly Father wants for you. Now, that excites me! I can sing like the mama bird sings if I know he is going to soar. I may be singing thru tears but I'll be singing for him!

I just had the smallest thought creep into my heart, have never thought this before but what if God is taking him to this place...to call him to Himself, to ministry. WOW, where did that come from :) ! Who knows...I could be completely off base. Just a thought. I mean God is always calling us to Himself, to Glorify Him in everything we do, wherever we are, no matter the circumstances. I just had this vision of Zach in a place sharing the Lord. Crazy!

Well, I've gone from itty bitty baby birds to my 6'3" man/child...interesting how God can use the smallest of things to take us to so many places.

The Mailbox

Our mailbox is brick with the mailbox built in and underneath the box is an open space for the newspaper. A while back I noticed a birds nest in the back of the hole of the newspaper part of the mailbox.

I began to watch the nest, not seeing anything inside but not moving it in case there was. Sometimes I am bad about not getting the paper everyday (I really just like the Sunday paper but Zach likes the sports everyday) and then I became worried that if I didn't clean out those papers everyday the mama bird might not be able to get to her nest. Last week I noticed a very small light blue speckled egg that was cracked open laying at the edge of the mailbox. I thought omg there are babies in there or something has happened to them. A couple of days ago Zach got the paper for me and I asked him if he saw anything inside, he looked and said I see baby birds. I was so excited, I got out of the car and walked over and these two itty bitty baby birds were in that nest with their little heads rared back and their mouths wide open. They didn't make any sounds but those little mouths were open. I guess they thought we were mama coming in with some groceries. I have finally seen mama bird fly out of the mailbox.

Watching this event take place has just been a sweet moment in the midst of a lot of crazy moments. I thought, how smart of that mama bird to put her nest in that spot. It is high enough off the ground that an animal walking around couldn't reach it and so well hidden. No one would know it was there. She planned well for her babies.

The Lord says, "as much as I take care of the little things, how much more will I take care of you and love you". I needed that reminder that no matter what...God is going to take care of me. He never said it would be easy to follow Him, he never said everything would be perfect. In fact, the opposite is true, He says we will have trials and tribulations but He will never leave me nor forsake me. So, like the baby birds depending on mama bird to take care of them and to keep coming back to them, I'm depending on my Father to take care of me and feed me and protect me. He knows everything that is going on in my life and He promises He won't give us anything we cannot handle.

I'm trusting!

Confidence!

A group of 5 of us went to dinner and a movie a couple of weeks ago. We got to the movie, got out of our vehicles and we are all trying to hurry, some practically running. I looked back and there is Kristyn just walking along, head held high with an aire of confidence.

I commented on how slow she was walking and one of the other girls said something about how we are always in a hurry and there she is taking her time.

Kristyn's response: (You must walk with confidence, don't appear to ever be in a hurry, have confidence in yourself, it will be ok)

Finally, I know why she always walks so slow and always takes the longest to get ready. She is confident and is not going to get in a hurry for anyone. :) I firmly believe she does this just to drive me crazy as well!!!!

Just thought it was a funny moment and I would share.
beth

Graduation

I would like to start todays blog by saying that I don't want this particular entry to come across to bradadocious. I am very proud of Kristyn and just want to take this time to share how special I believe she is. So, please bare with me and feel free to tell me about your sweet babies.

Well, the day has come and gone. What a sweet, precious time with my 2008 graduate. The morning started pretty early. Graduation was at 9:30 and so we all left the house by 8:00. I wanted to be sure and get good seats.

Kristyn, being the senior class president, was the first person to speak. Before I tell you about the actual event, let me share the event leading up to the moment. I had the previledge of being the one that she practiced her speach on, well, me and Little Jon our dashound. He is 13 and getting a little blind and a little deaf. Kristyn put her high heels on that she would wear during graduation (to get used to them so she wouldn't fall off of them!) and she walked in front of me and LJ practicing. Little Jon would hear those heels clicking on the floor and he would bark while Kristyn spoke. It was so funny watching the two of them. We timed the speach and it was one minute twenty five seconds long. I would watch her practice and laugh and the next moment I would feel sobs coming up inside of me...tears welling up and I would just turn my head. I would try to speak and the word would just not come because of the emotions. I just watched thinking to myself, we are making a memory right at this moment, enjoy this beth enjoy this.

Ok, back to the actual event. The graduates walked in and the girl in front of Kristyn is what we call a CBI student. She has special needs. It was so sweet to watch Kristyn take care of this girl. Ok, so the speach. She walked up to the podium with such confidence and when she began to speak, it was loud and clear. She said good things in a small amount of time. She seemed to be a professional at speaking. I was elated!

During graduation Kristyn had to continually take care of her little friend. She told me later that the girl kept telling Kristyn that her hat was falling and needed Kristyn to fix it. There is also a boy that is in a wheelchair, after receiving his diploma and coming off stage, he wheeled by Kristyn and stopped for her to hug him. She said that everytime he sees her in school he wants a hug. Now, honestly there aren't many class presidents that would give others the time of day like she does.

She is the girl that I would look at when I was in school and want to be like. The one that I thought had tons of friends and everyone wanted to be her best friend. I've heard said many times over the years that the girls who were the most popular and achieved a lot were also very lonely. Now, I have raised the girl that has done so much, been so much and been so lonely.

Kristyn has...

• been on homecoming court her 10th, 11th and 12th grade years.
• won Homecoming Princess her senior year
• played volleyball since 8th grade
• played softball since 9th grade
• been a cheerleader since 8th grade
• Co-Captain of cheerleading her senior year
• Senior Class President
• been talked about badly by the people that were supposed to be her friends
• kept her morals throughout her high school years
• when everyone gets together and goes out (usually to party) never calls Kristyn
• was accused of terristoric threat by a teacher in her 10th grade year and had to go to juvenille court,(the teacher was crazy and obviously hated kristyn and was jealous of her)
• has had three speeding tickets since getting her license (this one causes me so much worry) and the words every time she leaves, "Kristyn don't speed". The last time I told her she couldn't go to UofA if she got another one...she has slowed down or at least hasn't got caught again

She has accomplished much and has been blaimed for much. I now understand the price you must pay to be in the top of the class. She has done it with style.

After graduation we had a luncheon at our house for her graduation. There were 43 people here to celebrate her. After everyone ate lunch we gathered in the living room for her to open her gifts. I had asked a couple of people to say something about Kristyn. I wanted her to be encouraged and uplifted and loved during her special day. People said the sweetest things to her and about her and the thread was weaved of her special talents and abilities as people spoke. It was so evident that God has His hand on this child and definately has a plan for her future, plans to prosper her and not to harm, plans to give her a hope and a future.

Then, she began to open her gifts...she just took her time opening each one, never getting in a hurry. finally, someone said, Kristyn you are so slow at opening gifts. Her comment..."I want to enjoy the moment and each gift." Now, me I would have been so worried about keeping everyone and worried about what they were thinking of me. But not Kristyn, she took this time that was meant for her and simply enjoyed!

I beamed for the priviledge of being her Mom. I feel so fortunate to get to know the Kristyn that is at home...the one that walks in her high heels practicing a speach...the one that left her high heels sitting on an end table when she left...the one that pretended she was in a pageant and walked back and forth waving to Little Jon while she was practicing. The one that got to hear the speach so many times, that I knew it by heart. The one that she calls after every thing she does every day. The one she calls "Beth" with such a little attitude but Moma when its serious or she really needs me. The one that leaves her chewed gum laying everywhere for me to pick up later.

I look forward to the days of becoming her friend and not having to parent as much. I look forward to being her confidant, the once she confides everything too.

I dread the day I take her to school and leave her there, knowing things will never be the same. But, I'm so excited for what the future holds for her...excited for fun times she will experience that I never had the opportunity too.

This summer...well she works parttime at Island Tan. Thursday morning after her senior breakfast, we met for lunch at Chili's in Jacksonville. By the time I left she had applied for a job of hostess and was interviewing. There were 6 other people that applied during this time. Kristyn got the job. She will be the hostess and then work To Go also. She starts at Pulaski Tech tomorrow (Monday) morning taking College Algebra so she doesn't have to take it in Fayetteville. She went in this morning for 2 hours of training...he had her stay for an entire shift. She worked from 8-3. So, there won't be any laying around being a bum for her...she is going strong.

Thank you for allowing me to share about this sweet child of mine. She is truly a blessing from God and I am humbled and thankful to be her earthly Moma Beth.

Thank you Kristyn for allowing me the joy of being your mom! You are the best, I could not ever ever have asked for a better daughter than you!

The Count Down

Well, here it is, Sunday night before graduation on Saturday. Tonight I have been going thru pictures of this precious child of mine. She has grown from a precious baby, to a sassy sassy little girl, to a prissy/tomboy tweenager and now into this confident, caring, beautiful young woman.

I've been asked many times, how did you raise your kids. I always say and just let me say again, this is not trying to sound spiritual, this is just the cold hard facts...God raised these children and just allowed me the honor of being their mom. Oh and what an honor...what a blessed honor to be called "Moma", "Ma", "Beth".

Oh, yes, there have been times I would have liked to change my name to anything but the above and there have been times when I thought they would push me right over the edge. But, haven't I done the same to my Heavenly Father. Doesn't He ever think, this child of mine, what will I do with her. I have experienced lately the pulling away of both of my kids. The flight of their wings, which of course is so natural and right and good but oh I just had no idea how much it would hurt. So happy for them, but oh a pain in my heart that is so deep. Which makes me think of my Father...its never ever natural or the right time for me to pull away from Him and yet I have. I miss Him so much and I know each and every day that He is there, waiting for me to return fully. His word says that as much as I love my children, He loves me more. So, how it must hurt Him for me to pull away from Him. To not share my heart with Him. To be a rebellious child. As I return and feel Him drawing me to Himself...the safest place I have ever been in my life. Why would I leave such a place, I simply do not have an answer for this question. I am just so thankful that He never leaves me nor forsakes me...that He loves me. A love I have never experienced on this earth...a love I have longed for on this earth, just a part of what He has for me. For some reason He has not allowed me to feel even an inkling of that love...not yet.

I know I will always love my kids, no matter what...nothing can change the mothers love I have in my heart for these children. Nothing can change God from loving this incredibly messed up child of His, either. What a wonderful, wonderful thought.

So, I sit, I sit and wonder what is next for me. Where is God taking me, will I listen, will I be still and know Him. Will I sit before Him and allow Him to take my suffering and use it for His Glory. After all, isn't that why I'm here, for His Glory. If I can just keep my eyes on Him, I can face tomorrow.

May 15, 2008 First Day of Blogging

Well, here goes nothing or maybe something. Thanks for stopping by for a visit. I will get my page set up cute/pretty something soon. I have used all of my time this morning getting to this point and now I must get ready.

I will be back here soon!
bether

My Baby Girl

Ok, I'm suddenly wondering how it is you get thru your baby graduating. It was hard enough with Zach. As graduation draws nigh, I'm thinking OMG how am I going to do this. I've really been trying to be happy for Kristyn and not show my sadness so much but my heart hurts, literally. We have the athletic banquet tonight, prom friday, honor society banquet next tuesday, last day of school and senior breakfast, then graduation. And she keeps saying "I've got to write my speech for graduation" (Class president speaks), everytime she says that I think, you have got to be kidding me. She is to young to be doing all of this, isn't she? The announcements are mailed, cards already coming in and I just want to scream STOP THIS IS GOING TO FAST!!!!!!!! Let me just sit down and have my baby girl crawl up in my lap, I'll fix her some chocolate milk with her sippy lid and we'll just rock for a while. I'll play with her hair while she drinks that milk like its a bottle and then we'll just rock and talk. Of course, she is so busy, she doesn't have time to sit much less rock! I just don't know how to let this one go.

I look at this child/woman and am in awe of what God has givin me in this child. A mom so afraid of having a girl because I didn't think I could give her what she needed since it had never been given to me. Isn't i amazing how God always knows what He is doing! He knew I needed that girl to love and He has given her the ability to love me back and given us the ability to have a close relationship. Perfect, no, but great! She melts my heart almost everytime I watch her. I know I'm weird but I do, I'll watch both of my kids doing things and my heart just feels so full of love for them. I think every little thing on them is so cute, precious hands and precious feet, still! Does anyone else do that? I wait for her to come home anxiously, excited to see her everyday. Of course, there are times she comes in a cranky mood and I think "now why did I want her to come home"?

I must thank the Lord for allowing me to be Kristyn's mom (Zach's too but this is about her graduating). What a priviledge it has been to raise this baby into a woman. Now, I'm going to have to let go and let her fly and just be here when she needs me. I guess the One that allowed me to be her mom will also give me what it takes to get thru her growing up and moving away to college.

There are geese in our neighborhood. I've been watching two in particular, parents actually. They have four babies and I watch them protect their babies and teach their babies. The babies play but always right around mom and dad. They stay in the tall grass in the fields, I think that is for protection of their babies from scarey things in life. One day all 6 of them were crossing the road in front of me. It was so precious. One day those babies will grow up and be on their own and they will fly away from mom and dad. Hopefully, they'll come back for a visit every now and then.

So, I must let go and let God take over where I can't be there (I know He has been here the entire time but now He will have double duty). I'm sure He can handle it and I know better than I. But, I think I have to talk to him about letting these children become adults so early. I mean really, He doesn't give them to us for very long. Thank you Lord for blessing me with the children you have given me. I am humbled beyond words at your grace to me. I sure didn't deserve this.

Ok, I must move on today. I'm starting to get interruptions from family. I've gotten my tears out this morning so maybe I won't cry at the banquet tonight. Thanks for letting me share!